Author Interview…

I am NOT interviewing Lex Luthor, author of “Who’s the Superman now? Kneel, Nietzsche!“. After he learned that perhaps I was the one who informed Superman of his whereabouts during our World Book Czar Interview he’s given me the cold shoulder, to put it mildly.

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Lex Luthor’s delusions of grandeur

 

No, I have someone even better; Famous Monkey Reclusive Author, Mr Zip. Best selling author of ‘I, Monkey’, or,  ‘The Jungle and Me: A Tale of Guerrilla Tactics and Survival‘.

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Mr Zip’s Favorite Survival Food: Buckets of Chicken Fingers

Mr Zip turns 35 this month and I was able to convince the eccentric author to answer some questions. He and I go way back and I believe we first met in 1985. It was at one of those wild bachelor parties that I was known to give and Mr Zip just kind of wandered in uninvited, keeping it under wraps as it were. I’m pretty sure we hit it off but those times are a bit hazy for both of us now.

I’d like to thank you all for your well meaning help.  I almost felt bad, but not quite.  Should I ever actually do a jackass interview, I fully plan on committing sepuku afterwards to atone for my grievous error in judgement. *bows*

I did not answer these myself, even though I desperately wanted to 😀

 

Have you ever google-fu’ed yourself and what did you find?

I discovered a colleague of mine used her smartphone to secretively capture my smooth dance moves and posted them without my permission. I was pleasantly surprised with how debonair the YouTube video turned out with my debut! Of course, I had her “retired” after the incident, but I did send flowers to the funeral. I’m not cruel after all!

 

Any inspiration for your book?

I read the book ‘Into the Woods‘ by Bill Bryson and decided if that monkey could make me laugh, I could steal from *cough* I mean sell to everyone ! Come, Banana Bearer, ask me another question!

 

Any daily routines for life or writing?

Monkey-ing around! Enjoying life! Every varied experience adds up to help you write what you know, better. Your hardship getting sick from the bacteria in the water might be the trigger needed to add suspense to an otherwise unremarkable storytelling.

 

What do you want readers to get from your book?

It’s best to go wild in your natural environment. No matter how much you humans appreciate the jungle you need to respect those that survive and thrive there, just like you don’t see me utilizing my guerrilla tactics in this strange concrete jungle of yours!

 

Critical Questions about the book:

A) How did the book make me feel?
Why, sir! I feel great! Because of this book, dollars keep falling like rain!

B) Did you think the book was plot-based or character driven?
Why, me, oh, my! I drove the book all the way and therefore my character is much better than any ole plot!

C) What did you think of the ending?
The ending of my book is just the beginning! And by that I mean, wouldn’t you like to give some more money to find out?

D) Did you have any themes in mind throughout the book?
Nope. Nada. Dare I say, Zip?

 

While doing research, did you come across anything fascinating you’d like to share?

A) Did you know that only 6% of the land on Earth is covered by jungles and rain forests, but half of all species live there?

B) Did you know that your 54 billion domestic chickens in your urban jungle descended from the red jungle fowl?

C) Did you know that the word ‘Jungle’ came from the Sanskrit word which means ‘uncultivated land’? (The land. NOT me. I am Very Cultivated!)

D) Did you know that the natural swing-like ropes are called lianas? (This came from the Latin word ‘ligare’ which means ‘to bind’.)

 

Any prepper tips?

1) Remember: you can always go piranha fishing!

2) Bring Dry Bags to protect your human dried food during river crossings or when rain unexpectedly strikes.

3) Staying hydrated is essential in the rain forest and as a human a 2 or 3 liter hydration backpack will help you.

4) Don’t let your food eat you!

 

Personal questions (not recommended for authors you don’t know)

1) What is your problem?
I don’t have a problem!

2) Are you troubled, sick, or dying?
NOPE.

3) What do you want me to do?
Buy my book!

4) What are your expectations in connecting with me at this time?
Feed me more bananas!

 

Advice for how to survive an apocalypse?

Funny you should ask. Back in 2018 a bunch of distant relatives almost created a hostile takeover of the human city of New Delhi. Humans had to resort to pretending to be langurs to drive my distant relatives away!

Therefore, my sentiment is that once human’s experience an apocalypse, my relatives will enjoy taking over! You certainly are funny thinking I should give tips to take care of more than my personal banana feeder, Bookstooge!

 

If you could invite 3 writers to dinner, who would you choose?

1) Ed Vere, author of ‘Mr. Big‘ which is narrated by a sharp suited spidery monkey.

2) Nick Schon, author of ‘The Monkey with the Bright Blue Bottom

3) Richard Scarry, author of ‘Busytown Stories‘ and the all important Bananas Gorilla.

I’m certain these three schmucks will have a chance of slightly capturing my magnificent glory!

 

Advice for newb authors?

Write. Keep writing. Try to write not less than ten pages every day. Bang on a typewriter if you have to, but some of your words will be useful for the future!

 

Favorite character?

Myself. Need I say more? (obviously Mr Zip doesn’t suffer from low self-esteem)

 

How did you get published and become famous?

My publisher, Arbor House, really knows how to appreciate a good jungle. After being accepted by a publisher, Sell, Sell, Sell! It’s not easy being as fabulous as me!

 

Writing any new books?

Blab-boons‘ The startling truth about my gossipy relatives!

 

Do you appreciate fanfiction? Do you like pineapple pizza?

Yes, you may write as much fan fiction as you want about me; it is all sweet praise in my ears!

I prefer pineapple without the pizza. My relatives always said I was a bit fruity.

 

What are your thoughts about the concrete jungles of America?

In the 35 years I have lived, I have learned that I don’t understand humans, nor the thought process that went into creating your habitat. Who actually decides it’s a great idea to introduce huge monster vehicles that create choking smog? Who decided that “hey, I’m going to take a stick and hit a small rock like thing long distances!”? I shake my head at you! I bite my banana at you! I stick my tongue out at you! I… gratefully accept your money. heeheehee.

 

Thank you Mr Zip for taking time from your busy schedule of chicken finger eating to answer these questions. I’m sure your adoring public will race out and buy your book in record numbers!

You are not welcome!

 

And that is it folks.  After answering the questions, Mr Zip sulked until it was time for him to go to bed. Not even the promise of an extra bucket of chicken fingers lifted his spirits.

 

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How Do YOU Find New Blogs to Follow?

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In 2019 I saw several of the blogs I followed pretty much go into a death spiral. In several cases, Life simply happened and they didn’t have the oomph to keep up with one more hobby. Others faded away for no apparent reason.  For me, once a blog stops posting for a month with no warning, I stop following them.  I also have an optimized number that works for me in regards to how many people I can follow intelligently and not get overwhelmed.  I have to admit, I was hoping that several of the blogs would make a come back but it is March and it hasn’t happened.

I assume that you all have to deal with the same problem of blogs just disappearing over time and that you replenish your supply. How do YOU do that?

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The Eye of Bookstooge Roams to and fro across the Earth

I am NOT looking for ways to entice people to follow me. I have enough followers and feel very comfortable with the numbers I get each month, so I’m not looking to expand my blog’s audience. I could just use another 5-10 people to follow who post several times a month in the SFF area and hopefully mostly about books.  If you have any thoughts, let me know.

“The Churn”, which is what I call the falling off of bloggers, is just getting to me at the moment.

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I NEED Questions, Advice, Etc!

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I just found out that I am doing my first Author interview next month. Since me and authors aren’t exactly on the best of terms in regards to me thinking of them as people, I really need some help from you all.  If you’ve ever done an author interview, what do you ask? If you haven’t done any author interviews but have some thoughts on what I should do, please,  let me know!

I won’t say that I’m panicking, as I’m just too suave for that, but doing something new for the first time is always hard for me. I can’t say who it is but I can say that one of his best selling books has the words Guerrilla Tactics, Jungle and Survival in the title.

Any advice is wanted at the moment. Don’t be afraid to be silly either, as you know me and how seriously I take authors.  I’ll ask again at the end of the month but I sure could use any input.

Thanks!

 

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Dr. Lord Bookstooge VERSUS The No-Internet

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The Fallen Angel known as No-Internet waged war against Dr. Lord Bookstooge and his family of electronics. The phones, the tablets, the computers and even the bluray player, all fell prey, helpless, to the evil incarnate No-Internet.  Having destroyed the bastion of the router, no tech was safe.  Dr Lord Bookstooge valiantly fought a rearguard action, trying trick after trick to allow the Internet to Flow once more in Booklandia. Only with the One Power of the Internet could the Fallen Angel be banished back to the its hellish domain on No Connectivity.

Having tasted defeat, Dr Lord Bookstooge realized it was time to call on a Higher Power, a Power so mighty, so vast, that even he, in his near omnipotent state of existence, quailed to approach lightly. Yes, it was time to call the dreaded Tech Support.  With advice from Saint Justinius, Dr. Lord Bookstooge vanquished No-Internet with one arcane word of power, a secret word passed down to Dr. Lord Bookstooge that was to be his alone.

And all was well in the Land of Booklandia, as the One Power of the Internet flowed unimpeded, bringing love, peace and joy to all.

Happy Sabbath to you all.

 

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Still Out of Commission

So, the router came yesterday. I couldn’t for the life of me get it to connect. So I’m still connecting with just the old single wire router. Thanks for all the comments on the scheduled posts even though I’m not getting back to you. Doing my best to give a “like” to them all so you know I’m not ignoring you.

I have moved into that stage of life where I want things to “just work”.  I’ll let you all know when things get back to normal.

 

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Technologically Induced Hiatus

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So I got home from work today to find our wireless router, while saying everything was ok, was really toast. I’m currently using our backup non-wireless router to write this. We have dsl, so we can’t just order any router we want from amazon.

I’ve ordered 2 but the soonest either will get here is next Monday.  This router is good for emergencies but not meant for day to day use. So I’ll be checking in but am not going to be around very much.

Have a great one and I’ll see you all next week.

 

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The Road to Hell is Paved with…

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So, when I was doing my Yearly Review and reading everyone else’s, I was constantly bemoaning how good all the charts and graphics and data info were that those who used Devilsreads had access to. I have to admit, I was jealous.  Heck, I AM jealous.

This happens every year or so but this year seems worse than usual. I want to join up again. Just for the data tools. The only words would be the star rating, as I use half stars and the dates.  I wouldn’t interact, as Devilreads is as toxic as any other socialmedia site.  At least, that is what I have told myself time and time again. Then I think about how much I crave word interaction and I wonder if I could actually go on a site and not interact with other people?

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Even thinking about it makes me feel like a word whore, please excuse the language.  I know LOTS of good people use Devilreads, probably without a qualm. I don’t even have to sign up with a new account, I can just link my google account and go from there.

But can I do it without exploding or throwing a tantrum or otherwise causing myself incredible amounts of stress? I don’t know. The optimistic side of me says “Bookstooge, you’re an adult, you can do this!” while the negative side says “Bookstooge, Devilsreads is a hive of scum and villainy like no other” (thank you Obi-Wan). But I want that easy to access data.

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I want it, I want it, I want it!!!!

 

Sigh. Thanks for listening. Just needed to get that off my chest. I’ll be back in my normal frame of mind in a day or three.

 

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A History of… The Hobbit

 

Lashaan recently wrote up a review of his first time reading The Hobbit. Great review and I highly recommend you read it. But it got me to thinking. I literally grew up with the Hobbit and thought I’d try to remember my life as defined by the experiences I was going through when I read and re-read the Hobbit.

I believe that my experience with the Hobbit started before I could even read. My mom used to read to me in the afternoons before I started going to school and I know she read me Narnia and the Little House on the Prairie series. I can’t remember her explicitly reading me the Hobbit but my familiarity with it in later years leads me to believe she did. I don’t remember too much of that time overall except for a warm fuzzy sense of “rightness”. 

The next instance of the Hobbit is an explicit memory, one very well defined. I believe I was in middleschool and our family was going up to Canada to visit the Grands. I went to the library and got the Hobbit so I would have a book to read. Even then I knew to always have a book handy. It was one with the faux-leather green cover.

Not sure it was this exact edition, but if not, it looked almost like it

I remember this so well because on the way home we stopped in Maine at some relatives and I got a wicked bad sunburn on my whole back (didn’t use sunscreen) and we had to travel for 12hrs in the car the next day. You don’t forget experiences like that!

In highschool I wrote a paper on the Hobbit and Tolkien. I don’t have that paper handy nor do I remember anything about it, except, I got to read the Hobbit and use it to do some school work. Score!

Jump forward in time to Bibleschool in the late 90’s. One of our professors read through the entire series on Friday nights and Saturday afternoons to us students in one of the rooms that had couches and comfy chairs. When you are 19-22, having a chance to just hang out with everyone and not actually do anything is great. Add in that we all liked the story, the Professor had done this for years and so had a fantastic voice for reading, well, it was all a nerd could ask for.

Aye, aye Captain Professor Sir!


In 2001 the SFBC came out with the omnibus edition of the Lord of the Rings. I bought that and the Hobbit at the same time. Why should I pay for 4 books when I could pay for just 2? Small print didn’t mean a thing to my eyes then and being thrifty meant more than anything.

Teensy tiny print



In 2006 I met Miss Librarian at a friend’s wedding (Miss Library and I had been friends online) and we exchanged books. I gave her a copy of the Hobbit.

It was this edition

2 years later we were married and suddenly there were 2 copies of the same book on our book shelves. 2008 was a year for surprises, that is for sure!

Fast forward 3 years to 2011. I was on Goodreads and loving it. I had book friends and was writing reviews left and right. One of my online friends re-read the whole series every year. I wasn’t as much into re-reading then myself, but he inspired me to go through them all. I was simply blown away by how well written the Hobbit was and at how it could still appeal to my mature 30’something self. You’re Mature at 30 and after that you’re just Old and who cares what Old People think.

And now we come to 2019. Devilreads is a bad memory, 30 is just a stage that I grew out of (into a much more Mature stage I must say!) and yet here I am reading the Hobbit again and still loving it.

Bad Memories Indeed

What do you call a book that enthralls a 4 to 5 year old (no matter how precocious), a middleschooler, a highschooler, someone in college, a mid 20’s man, a 30 year old in his prime and then a 40 year old with the wisdom of the ages under his belt? If Classic doesn’t fit, then I don’t know what would. As sagacious as I currently am, I suspect in another 10-15 years that I’ll STILL love this book.

I’d like to take the time to thank Lashaan once again. He’s inspired several of these A History of… posts. The more years I collect, the more memories tag along, except for when I forget them. So it is good to write them down before they disappear 😀

I sing on Independence Day

♪It’s the Fourth of July as we know it♪
♪It’s the Fourth of July as we know it♪
♪It’s the Fourth of July as we know it, ♪and I feel fine♪

♪Tax our tea, steal our resources, we can’t vote♪
♪Look out Britain, we got your goat♪
♪Uh oh, overflow, lots o’ cloth, flagging furled♪
♪But it’ll do, save yourself, save the world♪
♪World got Hitlerized, we kicked his little ass♪
♪Tell me ’bout the Jihad and the towers on the right and left,♪
♪You vitriolic, psychotic, little piece of shite,♪
♪Now we’re gonna fight♪

♪It’s the Fourth of July as we know it♪
♪It’s the Fourth of July as we know it♪
♪It’s the Fourth of July as we know it, ♪and I feel fine♪

 

Yeah, ok, while the End of the World is a pretty fun song to crank out, it is wicked hard to get the word rhythm correct. Today is The United States of America’s Independence Day.  I am proud to be an American. The world needs true patriots, not backside lickspittles who’d sell their grandmothers for an advantage.

 

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‘Round Yonder in These Heah Pahts…

…. we dun kut doun them dern trees and then shuut ahh guns so as to celerybrate!

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Dern trees, always growing in them there forests. Nothing but a nuisance!

 

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11 acres of private land surrounded by 70+ acres of conservation land. Shooters paradise.

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For the record, that is a soda can in both pictures. Alcohol and guns should NOT mix

 

 

 

Yep, that is how I spent last Saturday. Pretty much just watched my bro W.C. Bombfunk use a chainsaw (I was there for safety reasons) and then we went to a house of a friend of his to test out his new to him AR-15 rifle.  The baby had just been put down for a nap so we started with our 9mm pistols to give him to time to get fully asleep. Then the 223 ammo came out and the rifle shooting began.  I did a couple of rounds at the 75yard range but Bombfunk went for the 100yard’er. Neither of us hit any targets at our range, but with a new gun, that is no surprise.  What Magic the Gathering cards are to Bookstooge, guns are to Bombfunk. He was grinning like an monkey.

It is good to have family nearby sometimes 🙂

 

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