Lord of the Toothpastes

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The Real Lord of the Toothpaste, Revealed at Last!

 

Three Spearmint for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven Cinnamints for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine Silly Strawberry for Mortal Men doomed to die,
One Fennel for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Tom’s of Maine where the Toothbrushes lie.
One Toothpaste to rule them all, One Toothpaste to find them,
One Toothpaste to bring them all, and in the Bathroom bind them,
In the Land of Tom’s of Maine where the Toothbrushes lie

 

A Parody by Bookstooge (or is it?)
*insert X-Files music*

 

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John Hobo (2020 Movie)

 

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John Hobo: : They Stole His Lunch, Now He’s Stealing Their Lives

 

Synopsis:

John Hobo was a man of the streets. Brought up rough and tough, he was hungry for success. And breakfast. And lunch. And dinner. And elevensies.  And afternoon tea. One day he hit the jackpot.

 

 

 

 

roasted-rat

3 roasted “rat on a stick”,  good as new, only been in the trash bin 30 minutes. But then tragedy struck. They stole his rats, called it “unsanitary”. John Hobo knew The Man had gone after him. So he’s returning the favor, one dead useless civil servant at a time. Detroit will never be the same!

 

My Thoughts:

You know, I’m beginning to think that Hollywood REALLY HAS run out of ideas.

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Almost like there are no brains left and all the zombie who pretend to be alive are just regurgitating the brains they ate last year. Yeah, pretty gross.  That’s how I’d class this movie.  The whole revenge thing is really getting old.

The language? My goodness, I never knew there was a whole hobo sub-culture of profanity. Who knew that “ultra fresh” meant THAT! I was rather shocked. And when the Swiss hobos, who I would have thought would be the most refined and peaceful of the hobos just turned into toilet mouths, well, nothing could shock me after that. Or so I thought.

Everyone in this movie gets shanked. With a shiv. You thought a pencil was bad ass. I almost threw up when John Hobo killed that dude with a banana!

bananashiv

 

I found John Hobo to be a very dirty character. And the people he was offing were even worse. I mean, who doesn’t want to off the officious DMV lady who tells you that you “X”‘d the wrong box and makes you go fill out a new form and stand in line all over again? Or that shyster lawyer hired by the city to tell everyone that the city is taking over the whole block and is tearing it down and they have to move, in 2 weeks?

Honestly though, I think my biggest issue was how disconnected John Hobo was. He had no place to call home and it really showed.

Final verdict: Don’t waste your time with this piece of trash.

 

bookstooge (Custom)

The Midden

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This review is written with a GPL 3.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress, Blogspot, Booklikes & Librarything by  Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission.

 

 

Title: The Midden

Series: —–

Author: Tom Sharpe

Rating: 1 of 5 Stars

Genre: Satire

Pages: 352

Format: Kindle Digital edition

 

Synopsis:

A rich, spoiled boy gets involved with drug runners who want him to frame his uncle, who is a judge. Spoiled boy runs off, gets drugged, and somehow gets involved in small town politics.

A corrupt police chief, a woman who doesn’t want the burden of taking care of her ancestral home and a various cast of inept and bumbling idiots all come together for a finale of death, fire and explosions. Not to mention a Black Mass where hordes of children are to be sacrificed.

 

My Thoughts:

On the surface, this should have been as funny as Riotous Assembly. However, while it was just as biting and satirical, it came across as bitter and angry without the humor. In fact, this left me in a completely foul mood for about 24hrs.

When a book affects me like that, I drop the author like a hot potato.

star10full-custom

Riotous Assembly (Piemburg #1)

16cb5a8c0c5809bdcdb40dc21c1bbb14This review is written with a GPL 3.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at Bookstooge.booklikes. blogspot.wordpress.com by  Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission.

Title: Riotous Assembly

Series: Piemburg #1

Author: Tom Sharpe

Rating: 4 of 5 Stars

Genre: Historical, Humor

Pages: 258

Format: Kindle digital edition

 

Synopsis:

The misadventures of the Afrikaaner Van Heerden, head of the police force in Piemburg, South Africa, as he investigates the killing of a Zulu cook by the local (socially) ruling British matron.

Along the way there are police ambushes, latex fetishists, hand to paw combat with a doberman, hangings and a play by the local madhouse which ends with the shooting of some artillery that blows up.

Madcap

 

My Thoughts:

A bit of context was necessary before I got very far into this. Sharpe was in South Africa during apartheid and was a very vocal opponent of it. Eventually he was deported for his writings against it. Once you have that in mind you realize that what you are reading is not a raging rascist going for the humor angle, but a satirist at his most biting.

This was hilarious. I was wheezing in several places and my wife had to ask me if I was ok. I was more than ok in fact.

Every character was incompetent, looking out for themselves and bumbling. It made for some serious misadventures. One such was when one police underling is told to guard the gate and he takes an elephant gun with him. He hides in a bunker, it is dusk and some other plainclothes policemen are coming onsite. He starts shooting, they start shooting, armoured cars get involved and in the end 21 policeman are dead and the underling is desperately trying to figure out how he can spin it so it isn’t his fault. That sums up this book.

There was a lot of crassness involved [anything to do with latex fetishists seems to go that way] and some unnecessary sexual details. Other than that, this was an uproariously fun read.

star40full

The Hero’s Guide to Being an Outlaw (League of Princes #3)

8f5d33ec2dec82cfd0d50176da90802cThis review is written with a GPL 3.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at Bookstooge.booklikes. blogspot.wordpress.com by  Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission.

Title: The Hero’s Guide to Being an Outlaw

Series: League of Princes

Author: Christopher Healy

Rating: 3.5 of 5 Stars

Genre: SFF

Pages: 529

Format: Kindle digital edition

 

Synopsis:

The League of Princes get involved in yet another madcap escapade and the various princess’ are involved. An old enemy returns and uses the bards to make the Princes’ into villains, puts a price on their heads and begins a conquest of all the Kingdoms.

Surprise, surprise, everything turns out ok. I know that is totally shocking to anyone who has read the previous books, but believe it!

 

My Thoughts:

Ehhh, this was ok, just like Book 2 but not as fun as Book 1.  Three books worth of these characters was just too much for me. They were fairytale caricatures shoehorned into a “regular” fantasy novel. The novelty was amusing but it wore thin and in this book wore out for me.

For a series called The League of Princes’, this sure had as much to do with their various love interests taking the stage as it did with them. If I wanted to read the PC, Lady Power schtick, I’d go read some Urban or Paranormal Fantasy, thank you very much.

It wasn’t a bad read, it just didn’t live up to the first book, which unfortunately seems to happen with a lot of series, no matter what genre they might be in. It left me feeling slightly lacking in the Enjoyment Factor. I do recommend this if you’re looking for a fairytale parody or something very light.

Odd Apocalypse (Odd Thomas #6)

 azure_b5e665308ec0cb369b06d048bb70d165This review is written with a GPL 3.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at Bookstooge.booklikes.blogspot. wordpress.leafmarks.com & Bookstooge’s Reviews on the Road Facebook Group by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission.

Title: Odd Apocalypse

Series: Odd Thomas

Author: Dean Koontz

Rating: 3.5 of 5 Battle Axes

Genre: Urban Fantasy

Pages: 370

Format: Kindle

 

 

Synopsis:

Odd and Annamaria are just hanging out at a billionaire’s mysterious house where things are weird.

Odd meets a ghost who wants him to help her son, sees some sort of human/swine hybrid creatures wandering the grounds and sees the sky turn yellow instead of blue.

Annamaria simply sits in her room and tells Odd to believe in himself.

 

My Thoughts:

As much as I don’t care for Annamaria, she really helps anchor Odd. She gives him a purpose that he can hold onto and a center that he can return to when things are simply beyond his understanding. I still don’t like her though.

While this is touted as book 5, it really is book 6, as Koontz interjected that serial novel Odd Interlude, into the stream of things part way through.

Things get really weird in this book. It seems like reality itself is shifting at random, but only on the estate. Koontz wrote these sequences in such a way that I felt just as confused and disoriented as Odd when these shifts happen. And bad things happen during these shifts as well, so the tension was ratcheted up pretty good.

The whole Tesla and time and copper thing was a means to an end for the story but it didn’t do much for me. I’m not one of those who think that Tesla was some sort of super-genius who got bypassed in history because of politics and business maneuverings.

The ending was a bit more violent than I was expecting, but that isn’t really a bad thing.

Reenlistment (America’s Galactic Foreign Legion #2)

39de228a13fa3b4590bb85580fe2fcdcThis review is written with a GPL 3.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at Bookstooge.booklikes.blogspot. wordpress.leafmarks.com & Bookstooge’s Reviews on the Road Facebook Group by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission.
Title: Reenlistment
Series: America’s Galactic Foreign Legion
Author: Walter Knight
NEW Rating:  1 of 5 Battle Axes
OLD Rating: 3 of 5 Battle Axes
Genre: SFF
Pages: 147
Format: Kindle

 

UPDATE 1.26.16

Penumbra Publishing stripped my review of its licensing info [the first paragraph above permitting only me to post this review] and then put the whole review on their own site. I was not asked nor did I give my permission for my review to appear on their site. This violates my rights as  the copyright holder of this review.
So Walter Knight gets a 1 Star and no more sales, or reviews, from me. I won’t support a thief or a thieving publisher.

 

Synopsis:

Gold! Gosh darned GOLD! A goldrush occurs and the spiders start up the war again.

Joey and the Legion are playing a 3 sided game and the silliness continues.

 

My Thoughts:

I didn’t find this as funny as the first book. Part of that is what is funny the first time isn’t as funny the second time around. It was still amusing and entertaining, but I wasn’t laughing like I was in the first book.

I found the Human/Spider only interaction to be limiting as well. I was hoping for more mayhem between everyone, ie, the beetles, the ants, the spiders and the humans. But I guess the random spiders taking of humans was enough.