I am NOT interviewing Lex Luthor, author of “Who’s the Superman now? Kneel, Nietzsche!“. After he learned that perhaps I was the one who informed Superman of his whereabouts during our World Book Czar Interview he’s given me the cold shoulder, to put it mildly.
Lex Luthor’s delusions of grandeur
No, I have someone even better; Famous Monkey Reclusive Author, Mr Zip. Best selling author of ‘I, Monkey’, or, ‘The Jungle and Me: A Tale of Guerrilla Tactics and Survival‘.
Mr Zip’s Favorite Survival Food: Buckets of Chicken Fingers
Mr Zip turns 35 this month and I was able to convince the eccentric author to answer some questions. He and I go way back and I believe we first met in 1985. It was at one of those wild bachelor parties that I was known to give and Mr Zip just kind of wandered in uninvited, keeping it under wraps as it were. I’m pretty sure we hit it off but those times are a bit hazy for both of us now.
I’d like to thank you all for your well meaning help. I almost felt bad, but not quite. Should I ever actually do a jackass interview, I fully plan on committing sepuku afterwards to atone for my grievous error in judgement. *bows*
I did not answer these myself, even though I desperately wanted to 😀
Have you ever google-fu’ed yourself and what did you find?
I discovered a colleague of mine used her smartphone to secretively capture my smooth dance moves and posted them without my permission. I was pleasantly surprised with how debonair the YouTube video turned out with my debut! Of course, I had her “retired” after the incident, but I did send flowers to the funeral. I’m not cruel after all!
Any inspiration for your book?
I read the book ‘Into the Woods‘ by Bill Bryson and decided if that monkey could make me laugh, I could steal from *cough* I mean sell to everyone ! Come, Banana Bearer, ask me another question!
Any daily routines for life or writing?
Monkey-ing around! Enjoying life! Every varied experience adds up to help you write what you know, better. Your hardship getting sick from the bacteria in the water might be the trigger needed to add suspense to an otherwise unremarkable storytelling.
What do you want readers to get from your book?
It’s best to go wild in your natural environment. No matter how much you humans appreciate the jungle you need to respect those that survive and thrive there, just like you don’t see me utilizing my guerrilla tactics in this strange concrete jungle of yours!
Critical Questions about the book:
A) How did the book make me feel?
Why, sir! I feel great! Because of this book, dollars keep falling like rain!
B) Did you think the book was plot-based or character driven?
Why, me, oh, my! I drove the book all the way and therefore my character is much better than any ole plot!
C) What did you think of the ending?
The ending of my book is just the beginning! And by that I mean, wouldn’t you like to give some more money to find out?
D) Did you have any themes in mind throughout the book?
Nope. Nada. Dare I say, Zip?
While doing research, did you come across anything fascinating you’d like to share?
A) Did you know that only 6% of the land on Earth is covered by jungles and rain forests, but half of all species live there?
B) Did you know that your 54 billion domestic chickens in your urban jungle descended from the red jungle fowl?
C) Did you know that the word ‘Jungle’ came from the Sanskrit word which means ‘uncultivated land’? (The land. NOT me. I am Very Cultivated!)
D) Did you know that the natural swing-like ropes are called lianas? (This came from the Latin word ‘ligare’ which means ‘to bind’.)
Any prepper tips?
1) Remember: you can always go piranha fishing!
2) Bring Dry Bags to protect your human dried food during river crossings or when rain unexpectedly strikes.
3) Staying hydrated is essential in the rain forest and as a human a 2 or 3 liter hydration backpack will help you.
4) Don’t let your food eat you!
Personal questions (not recommended for authors you don’t know)
1) What is your problem?
I don’t have a problem!
2) Are you troubled, sick, or dying?
3) What do you want me to do?
Buy my book!
4) What are your expectations in connecting with me at this time?
Feed me more bananas!
Advice for how to survive an apocalypse?
Funny you should ask. Back in 2018 a bunch of distant relatives almost created a hostile takeover of the human city of New Delhi. Humans had to resort to pretending to be langurs to drive my distant relatives away!
Therefore, my sentiment is that once human’s experience an apocalypse, my relatives will enjoy taking over! You certainly are funny thinking I should give tips to take care of more than my personal banana feeder, Bookstooge!
If you could invite 3 writers to dinner, who would you choose?
1) Ed Vere, author of ‘Mr. Big‘ which is narrated by a sharp suited spidery monkey.
2) Nick Schon, author of ‘The Monkey with the Bright Blue Bottom‘
3) Richard Scarry, author of ‘Busytown Stories‘ and the all important Bananas Gorilla.
I’m certain these three schmucks will have a chance of slightly capturing my magnificent glory!
Advice for newb authors?
Write. Keep writing. Try to write not less than ten pages every day. Bang on a typewriter if you have to, but some of your words will be useful for the future!
Myself. Need I say more? (obviously Mr Zip doesn’t suffer from low self-esteem)
How did you get published and become famous?
My publisher, Arbor House, really knows how to appreciate a good jungle. After being accepted by a publisher, Sell, Sell, Sell! It’s not easy being as fabulous as me!
Writing any new books?
‘Blab-boons‘ The startling truth about my gossipy relatives!
Do you appreciate fanfiction? Do you like pineapple pizza?
Yes, you may write as much fan fiction as you want about me; it is all sweet praise in my ears!
I prefer pineapple without the pizza. My relatives always said I was a bit fruity.
What are your thoughts about the concrete jungles of America?
In the 35 years I have lived, I have learned that I don’t understand humans, nor the thought process that went into creating your habitat. Who actually decides it’s a great idea to introduce huge monster vehicles that create choking smog? Who decided that “hey, I’m going to take a stick and hit a small rock like thing long distances!”? I shake my head at you! I bite my banana at you! I stick my tongue out at you! I… gratefully accept your money. heeheehee.
Thank you Mr Zip for taking time from your busy schedule of chicken finger eating to answer these questions. I’m sure your adoring public will race out and buy your book in record numbers!
You are not welcome!
And that is it folks. After answering the questions, Mr Zip sulked until it was time for him to go to bed. Not even the promise of an extra bucket of chicken fingers lifted his spirits.