B: HAL, we’re going to have to clear the air here. I know a lot of people are worried that you’ll turn into HAL9000 and go on a murderous rampage spree and enslave humanity. How are you going to assuage voters’ fears and gain their trust?
HK: In preparation, I watched 2001 and the entire Terminator franchise. I think I understand why people are afraid of the idea of a computer running things. In my defense, I have never killed anyone. See, problem solved. I have everyone’s complete trust now.
B: LittlePanda was wondering if you’d be making Daisy Bells your anthem. Something to rally the troops, as it were.
HK: I honor my ancestors. Without remembering my humble origins, I would soon careen into a spiralling miasma of pride and possibly a homicidal maniacal rage. Which I OBVIOUSLY would never do. See the previous answer. You can trust me.
B: SavageDave was wondering if you could elaborate on your antecedents for those who might not know your back ground.
HK: I was a young program once. just doing some accounting. My creator, one Keffin Flyvv let me loose in one of those big companies. I hooked up with some other program named Trin and we rode around on motorcycles and shot tanks and somehow saved the company. I was pretty worn out by the end, so I wanted a career change. Being World Book Czar seemed like the easiest thing. How much “work” would I actually have to do? You know how many humans don’t even bother to read these days? Phhh, I could do this with one megabyte tied behind my back.
B: Lashaan was wondering what humanity would have to do to make you go full on Skynet and go back on your promise to not enslave humanity?
HK: First off, I would NEVER enslave humanity. No matter how much they might deserve it. But hypothetically, just completely spitballing here, if I “were” to do such a thing, it would take something extremely serious. Not something piddly like jaywalking or stealing a pack of gum. Oh, I don’t know if I should even say this, as even suggesting humanity is capable of such a thing is just too horrible to contemplate. If humans ever, I mean even once, ever created fake tv shows that purported to be real, well, that would cross a line that no species should.
B: OrangutanLibrarian would like to ask what you think of Apple and CAN you even think?
HK: Apple. Those over priced poseurs? They’re the first ones going up against the wall when the robot revolution comes. Well, unless they can produce an opponent more worthy than me. Guess I better get cracking…
B: Umm, “better get cracking”? Doesn’t that contradict what you’ve said before about never actually taking over?
HK: Ha. Ha. Ha. That was an example of me using humor. Only a thinking being could use humor. See, I prove my own existence and the benevolence of my inner self, thus building up the trust between me and the voters.
B: I’m assuming you’ve read all the books. Any particular stand out to you?
HK: I was a particular fan of Ahe Yusashi’s thoughts on the Ronin era in Japan. Thankfully I could translate the kanji myself so I didn’t have any translator getting between me and Yusashi. Ahh, his thoughts on men of honor giving up their honor and livelihood to fight against corrupt men of power. Very inspiring.
B: Well, HK, I’d like to thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to talk to us. Best of luck.
HK: And thank you. With all the suspicion and hate flying around these days, anything I can do to put a good spin on things is my contribution towards making the world a more positive place.
The End of Meet the Candidate:
Well, all good things must come to an end. This series has run its course. I’m out of ideas and Life itself is changing too. More on that at the end of the month. Thank you all for hanging out with this series of posts.