#worldbookczar Candidate: Ildico

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Today’s Candidate: Ildico, better known as Mrs Attila the Hun!

 

B: So before we begin the questioning,  would you care to spill the beans about that eventful night and how Attila really died?

I: Bookstooge, I would LOVE to get this off my chest. The so-called official stories have the Old Lech getting a nosebleed and choking to death on it because he was stinking drunk, or that I killed him with a itty-bitty knife.  The real events so shocked me that I was speechless for days after the event and only now do I feel safe enough to let the world know what really happened.

There we were, the Old Lech fortifying himself with wine because he knew I wasn’t going to just let him have me, no matter what the treaty said when suddenly, 2 small grey beings with great big heads and humongous eyes suddenly appeared before our eyes. They pointed an odd looking sceptre at the Old Lech and he just keeled over. The 2 Lords told me to never reveal this to anyone upon pain of grstlzzzk. I asked them their names to prove they weren’t figments of my imagination. One answered that he was named Nashitat and the other Naziat (I could only tell them apart because Naziat had this funny little tuft of hair on his upper lip). I swore myself to secrecy but when I heard about this whole World Book Czar Initiative, I knew I had to get elected and warn the world.

I tried to contact Scully and Mulder but they were both so busy finding out that everything they knew was a lie that they didn’t have much attention for poor little me. And no offense to you Bookstooge, but your blog doesn’t quite have the reach I need. So I NEED to become World Book Czar to warn the world and prepare it for the coming invasion. THERE. IS. NO. OTHER. WAY!!!

B: Wow Ildico, I had NO idea.  Thank you for risking so much and letting us know that the Truth is Out There!

 

B:  An Orangutan blogger claims that she will read anything and that that is a good reading habit. What are your thoughts on this and what your official response be as World Book Czar? She’d also like some beauty tips, as she’s thinking of World Domination herself at some point.

I: Oh, I’m going to have to put a stop to thinking like that! Grey Propaganda is everywhere and if people read whatever they want, they’ll read the Propaganda and bow low before the Lords Nashitat and Naziat when they return. We cannot have that if we want to survive! I will be handing out free survival guides (which include a complimentary tin foil hat) and insurgency pamphlets. Also, a little paper on how to make homemade current jelly. Just because we might be hiding like rats when the Overlords return doesn’t mean we can’t eat well.

As for beauty tips. I highly recommend the blood of your enemies, applied lightly just under the eyes, once a day. Can really bring out the inner fire in a woman, errr, Orangutan.

 

B: Ichadbod has several questions and I’ll list them in order:

  1.  Are you available or do you have a sister?
  2. Is there a literacy requirement for being WBC and do you pass it?
  3. You are a hottie  *wolf whistle* (Not exactly a question but I, Bookstooge, will let it pass)

I: *blushes* *pulls out a kukri and begins sharpening it*

Yes Iccy, I am available. But I have to ask you, are you man enough? My standards are pretty high now. Especially if I’m going to be WBC. You let me know when you’ve got an  Empire going and then you can come calling. I’m kind of old fashioned that way.

After talking with the WBC Committee, they were forced to admit that there is no “official” literacy requirement. However, have no fear. I read Germanic, Latin, Greek and thanks to an unforeseen side affect of the Overlords Sceptre, Atlantean and Goa’uldian.

 

B: Ola would like to know if you were the inspiration for Barbarella. Secondly, she’d like to know how you plan to expand the WBCI, as of this moment it is NOT a global Initiative in reality but in nature alone.

I: Ha, I would tear this Barbarella into tiny bits with my bare hands if she tried to stand in my way. If I am the inspiration for her, then this world is doomed.

As for expanding the WBCI, I foresee no problems with that at all. The Overlords dropped their sceptre and with my newfound Atlantean language skills, I have reprogrammed it. Now I can control weak minds with the touch of a button. It also makes a great cheddar cheese wheel!

 

B: Cheddar cheese?!?! Well, you have MY vote, for sure!!!!

I: Sorry Bookie, I just used the device on you. I know that is kind of cheating but I had to test it you know.

 

B: That is A OK, because I already liked cheddar cheese! But back to business…

The Little Panda would like to know if the Book Blogging Community is any different from the Hunnic tribes and what would your first act as World Book Czar be?

I: Bookie, you tricked me? You already liked cheddar cheese? Well, I guess I’ll have to test this on somebody else.

Panda, the tribes were a piece of cake compared to the clans of the book bloggers. Chop off one or two heads and the huns fell right into line. Do that with the bloggers and they all start whining about their rights and then complain 10 times as much. Worse than babies if you ask me. My first act would be to show them my new sceptre and make them all love cheddar cheese. Remember, Cheddar is Beddar!

 

B: Norrie would like to know any hair care tips, as she would like to look fabulous while reading. No world domination there, just plain old book reading.

I: Mares milk mixed with a tablespoon of the blood of your enemies is a wonderful conditioner. It adds real body to your hair. It also gives it wonderful sheen and that indefinable “vavoom” that you’re looking for.  That and a tinfoil hat is a girl’s best friend!

 

B:  Ildico, I’d like to really thank you for taking the time to meet and answer our questions. Best of luck in the ongoing campaign and I trust your Cheddar is Beddar slogan catches on. As a show of support, I’ve made my own tinfoil hat already and am wearing it. It’s very comfortable and rather stylish, now that I see it.

I: Bookie, you are so welcome. I just want to save the world from any possible annihilation and this seems like the best way to do that.

 

 

The Rest of the Story:

A month after this interview took place, I received a very strange letter. Ildico told me that she had a black out and was missing for a week. When she came to, in a cornfield of all places, she was 8 months pregnant. She told me she is going to name the child Ihm Uhm the 13th. Weird huh? Well, we all wish her the best. Being a full time mom AND World Book Czar  seems like a lot but if anyone can do it, Ildico is that woman! Get out and vote! (especially if you want free tin foil hats)

 

Next Month on Meet the Candidate:

Going to be taking a break in May from all my regular weekend posts, so there will be no Meet the Candidate. June will return to form and I hope that extra time will allow me to get some answers from our next candidate, Bregalad the Ent, also known as Quickbeam.

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Remember, you can always click on the “Meet the Candidate” tag to see all the candidates as they are revealed or the #worldbookczar one. I hope you enjoyed this. Until next time, Bookstooge Out.

 

 

bookstooge

 

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#worldbookczar Candidate: Lex Luthor

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Today’s Candidate: Lex Luthor, CEO of LexCorp

 

B: Thank you Mr Luthor for agreeing to this interview. We’re going to get right down to business and start with some hard questions. I hope you’re ok with that.

LL: Not a problem Bookstooge. If I can’t handle hard questions, not only don’t I deserve to cover up for LexCorp, but I would simply step out of the running for World Book Czar. The Eyes of the World are going to be on that person. Imagine the Media Coverage!

 

B: Great. Ok, first question from Mrs Baller.  “Superman has kryptonite as his weakness, what’s yours?”

LL:   *forced jovial laughMy dear madam, what an absolutely enchanting question. While I try to remain humble, the truth is, I don’t have any. No really, it’s true. That is probably the Number One reason I deserve to be World Book Czar. The Media needs someone who they can admire fully and not feel like sellouts when they do so many glamour shots of me and those “A Day in the Life of..” biopic pieces I’m sure they’ll all be clamoring for.

 

B:  Mr Ichabod asks “Are current fashionistas copying your bald look to emulate you or to try to copy some of your natural good looks?”

LL:  Wow, you weren’t kidding about getting right to the hard questions! Mr Ichabod, I salute your courage and obvious integrity for cutting through the fluff.  I believe it is a bit of both. Bald is beautiful you know and the media always loves a beautiful candidate. A man can’t just DO the job, he has to look good doing it. Which is why if I am World Book Czar it won’t really be a job for me, but more of a calling.

 

B:  Panda would like to know what you think of your Smallville incarnation in the form of Michael Rosenbaum? I’d like to add a follow up question too. Who do you think played you the best and the worst throughout the movies, tv and cartoons?

LL:  Rosenbaum looked GOOD! That one episode where Cassy has a vision of him in the white suit while standing over a mountain of bones turning red? That was classic.

As for others, hmmmm. My least favorite was the cartoon version from Superman: The Animated series. It seemed very clownish to me.  I know it won’t be a popular opinion, but I actually rather enjoyed Jesse Eisenberg’s portrayal in Batman vs Superman. The whole hair to non-hair took some gravitas and I feel he carried it off without a hitch.

The World Book Czar is going to be in the Public’s Eye all the time, so the image presented is VERY important.

 

B:  Monkey would like to know why you have this ongoing conflict with Superman She’d also like some tips for getting out of jail and employment opportunities.

LL:  *dramatic sigh* Ahh, that old question. The thing is, I do NOT have a problem with Superman, he has a problem with me. I’ve reached out to him time and again to work out our differences but don’t you know, it’s always the same old story. “Truth, Justice, the American Way”, blah, blah and then he gets all morally superior and tosses me in jail. There is just no reasoning with him! When I’m World Book Czar, reasoned discussions amongst warring bloggers is top of my list!

I recommend ♪Lawyers,♪Guns♪and Money♪ for getting out of jail. One of the 3 will always work.

As for employment opportunities I suspect I will need a solid cadre of Yes Monkeys when I become World Book Czar. Contact LexCorp at 555-539-2677 OR email your resume to Lex@Lexcorp.com. Please highlight any super powers you might have and put that at the top.  Thank you for your interest and I hope you’ll become a valued member of Team Lex!

 

B: SavageDave would like to know why you don’t use your brains, wealth and abilities for good?

LL: Oh Bookstooge, this question hurts! It hurts me right here *smacks chest*.  Here I am, the only person concerned about an undocumented alien with unregulated power, ruling the earth. Make no mistake, Superman might have a velvet glove, but we all know he is the Man of Steel, not just a fist of steel!  Bullets can’t hurt him, tanks he laughs at. If Superman decides that YOU, SavageDave, are a bad person, off to jail you go and there is NOTHING you can do about it. I stand up for the little man. My secret underground science labs are churning out new ideas every day to help protect mankind!

As World Book Czar I will continue that protection. As we speak, right now, my scientists are working on the Bookinator 800, the first of its kind mobile book protection unit. It will protect the world from bad books where ever they may be found. Upon my honor, book bloggers will NOT have to deal with bad books ever again.

 

B:  Mizzz Gee asks “Do you read?”  And I’ll add “WHAT do you read?”

LL: Nothing is sexier than  a bald man reading a book. Studies prove it in fact. Supergirl herself told me that her fascination with me began when she saw a candid picture of me reclining at lunch reading War and Peace. And honestly, if one does not read, they shouldn’t even think about running for World Book Czar.

As to what I read, first and foremost is the Art of War.  We live in perilous times and knowing your enemy is the best defense. Plus I look REALLY good in a kimono.

 

B:  A Planetary Scale Arms Dealer would like to know “how do the ASC 606 standards for revenue recognition impact your corporate holdings”?

LL:  A good CEO knows everything about his business.  ASC 606 and IFRS 15 replace almost all current revenue guidance, including industry-specific guidance. The new
standards greatly enhance the related quantitative and qualitative disclosure
requirements. They also introduce concepts that don’t exist under the current
revenue recognition model—including many that involve significant judgment,
such as estimating transaction price. I think our accountants began work on this when it was first introduced, so it’s application to our business model won’t disrupt normal work flow procedures, allowing LexCorpt to concentrate on its core business models, thus insuring stability in our stock while other companies might be a bit adrift.

Short answer, it won’t affect us.

I think this type of thing is a great example of why I am the perfect candidate for World Book Czar. I saw this coming, I prepared for it and when the waves of change hit, LexCorp was a bulwark of stability in an ocean of uncertainty. I plan to bring that same stability to the book world.  I promise!

 

*swoosh* *zounds!* *biff* *pow* *whammo* *fwoooooosh*

 

B: And apparently, we are done here. Superman just flew in, arrested Luthor and took him off to jail. Sorry folks but the Wheels of Justice do grind on.

 

The Rest of the Story

Lex Luthor has a lot of experience running things from within prisons, so this little incident does not cut him out of the running.  Remember, a vote for Luthor is a vote for Gillette stock options!

 

Next Month on Meet the Candidate

Next month, I’ll be interviewing Ildico. Most of us know her better as Mrs Attila the Hun. In a completely candid tell-all, Mrs Hun reveals what REALLY happened that final night and why it makes her the only deserving candidate to be World Book Czar.

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So please, feel free to comment here on Luthor’s Interview, but also, if you have questions for Mrs Hun, now is the time and here is the place.

Remember, you can always click on the “Meet the Candidate” tag to see all the candidates as they are revealed or the #worldbookczar one. I hope you enjoyed this. Until next time, Bookstooge Out.

 

bookstooge

#worldbookczar Candidate: Czar Nicholas II

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Today’s candidate: Russian Czar Nicholas II

 

 

B: Glad to have you with us today, Czar Nicholas II. Do you mind if I call you Nicky? It sets a more informal atmosphere and helps the readers to connect with you on a more personal level.

N: Not at all, Gospodin Bookstooge. Forgive me, but I simply can’t help but call such a distinguished gentleman as yourself anything less formal. This royal upbringing, you understand, da?

 

B: No worries Nicky, You do what you have to. Now, onto the questions. We’ll start out with some of the get to know you kind. One of my highly placed Sources would like to know if Rasputin was really as scary as he looks in the pictures?

N:  Bahh, Rasputin was a teddy bear. Why ,the way he’d bleed little Alexei would bring a tear to even the hardest heart. It came as a terrible shock when I heard how he had slipped on that icy meadow and accidentally shot himself in the forehead only to stumble for miles and fall into that river and freeze to death. I do think it was bad form myself but considering he came from peasant stock, well, blood will tell.

It seems to me that a man like myself, who has had such deep friendships and terrible hardships is perfectly suited to becoming World Book Czar, if you don’t me saying so.  Plus, my mustache and beard are demnedably sexy you know.

 

B:  Okaaaaay. Well, onto our next question.  An Anonymous poster asks “Why didn’t you send your family to safety sooner, you stupid man?”

N:  Hah, stupid? With a mustache and beard like this? I think not! It takes real brains to look this good. Besides, my family is perfectly safe. It’s me you should be worried about! Gallivanting all over the front lines straightening out those peasant generals. Tsk, tsk. Imagine, an army that doesn’t look stylish? I won’t have it.

That is yet another reason why I should be the World Book Czar. I’ll look good doing it. And styling is half the battle you know. G.I. Joseph told me that.

 

B: One particular lassie wanted to know how long it took to get gussied up, what with all those medals. As a follow up,  she was also interested in what made your mustache so grand?

N:  Hoho, a lassie? I’ll answer ANY questions for the girls. The girls all just love me so it’s only fair I return the favor.

How long to get all those medals on? It all depends on how arthritic Franz was feeling that morning. On a good morning, when he wasn’t bent over too bad, maybe 30minutes? But when he was feeling pugnacious or sulky and claimed he couldn’t even straighten up, closer to an hour. I don’t know what was wrong with that man. I would have thought that the honor of seeing me all “shinied” up would have sent his “arthritis” running. (I think he is faking half the time. He was only 60 for goodness sake)

Ahhh, the mustache. Brain power, pure intellect. I simply think about how great my mustache is each night and the power of my brain makes it so every morning.

 

B: These questions come from a very inquisitive monkey. No, not Curious George, but the Orangutan Librarian.  What did you think of the movie “Anastasia” and its music and would you haunt President Putin if you were a ghost?

N: You allow MONKEYS to ask you questions? My goodness, what kind of world do you live in there in the future anyway? Good thing I’m going to become World Book Czar and straighten everything out for you!

I have heard of these things you call movies. A great tool to entertain the useless masses and keep them happy while they waste their lives doing the pathetic things that only they are capable of. So whatever the music is like, as long as they sing it, I’m all for it. Nothing worse than a bored, uppity peasant.

“President” Putin you say? Well, I doubt his mustache is as great as mine, so I definitely would haunt him, just to mock him. Mustaches are serious business you know.

 

B: A Canadian would like to know what life after death is like.

N: A Canadian? Aren’t they the waffle eating, hockey playing people who kill everyone with uber-politeness? I like them! And considering that question, I’m guessing this Canadian must be an Highly Educated Russian Aristocrat in Exile!

What? He’s from peasant stock you say? I’m shocked!!!

Well, to answer the question. I don’t know. I’m so full of life that I plan on living forever. And that is a big point for me being World Book Czar. Continuity you know. No messy succession wars or anything. Just unchanging peace as I rule with a gentle hand upon all my book loving children across the world.

 

B:  Over the years, there has been a lot of dissent among the Book Blogger Community over so many issues. How would YOU bring such a rambunctious group together into one peaceful commune?

N: Ahhh, now we are getting into the nitty gritty of being World Book Czar. Good! I have mnogo, mnogo plans!

First off, I would bring all the bloggers together at my modest house. A mere 200 rooms should suffice, da? What, a million of these bloggers, with millions more? Hmmm, that changes things. Ok, Siberia it is then! I will create a winter wonderland where these bloggers can all congregate. Nature and human nature will weed out all the weak ones. Then I will  instruct the remaining ones in my personal philosophy on books.  Once they realize how rational, spiritual and perfect my philosophy is,  Utopia will have been achieved.

 

B: That actually brings up a great point. Another Blogger wants to know what you’re going to do if he doesn’t go along with your plans?

N: Not go along with my plans? Inconceivable! But now that you mention it, that is how my generals are acting nowadays. If this blogger won’t hasten Utopia and my powers of mustache won’t work, then I’ll just have to go with the old standby. Kill him and his entire family and clan. You say there are millions of these bloggers, so nobody will miss one or two anyway.

*claps hands*  Yes, I’m so brilliant!

 

B: Well, Nicky, I see that the clock says our time is up. Thanks so much for coming on over and answering our questions. As you know, the world NEEDS a World Book Czar and I appreciate you taking an interest in promoting this vital part of the book blogging community.

N: Happy to oblige, Gospodin Bookstooge. I am sure that readers everywhere will realize my shining leadership qualities in the upcoming Election and I have every confidence that they will pick the right man.

 

 

 

The Rest of the Story

After this interview, ol’ Nicky got himself abdicated and then executed by his fellow countrymen for being such an incompetent osel. Sadly, this puts him clean out of the running for World Book Czar. I sure hope you weren’t planning on voting for him!

 

Next Month on Meet the Candidate

I feel like I scored a real coup with getting this candidate to answer some questions. He’s a very busy businessman and globetrotter extraordinaire. With experience running mega-conglomerations and businesses so big they put countries to shame, I present…

…..LEX LUTHOR!!!

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So please, feel free to comment here on Poor Nicky’s Interview, but also, if you have questions for Mr Luthor, now is the time and here is the place.

Remember, you can always click on the “Meet the Candidate” tag to see all the candidates as they are revealed or the #worldbookczar one. I hope you enjoyed this. Until next time, Bookstooge Out.

 

 

bookstooge

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#WorldBookCzar: Meet the Candidates Intro Post

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As I have mentioned over the last 2 years, I feel that the Book Blogging Community needs somebody to tell everyone else what they’re doing wrong and how they ought to be doing things.  In the spirit of not being one of those jackasses who just complain, I have decided that I will DO something about this problem. As such, I have started the World Book Czar Initiative to find that perfect candidate. I plan on interviewing potential Candidates throughout the year. With my keen intellect and razor sharp wit I will ask the questions that nobody else will, so that YOU can decide who to vote for next year! No applause please, I am just your humble servant doing a simple job that others, seeking glory, fame and wealth,  have disdained.

While I plan on asking particularly penetrating questions at each interview, I would like to open the floor up to the rest of the blogging world.  Do YOU have questions you want answered? I will ask those questions for you, shielding you in a cloak of anonymity in which you can feel completely safe. Have no fear, Bookstooge will take the Heat should any candidate be truculent enough to bring it. And if it becomes necessary, I will rain down fiery destruction should any candidate get out of line!

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NO candidate is safe from the Wrath of Bookstooge, none!

 

I have a whole host of interviewee’s already lined up and I feel that they run the gamut that will appeal to the widest possible audience. YOUR candidate will be among them, I promise. You just have to stay tuned to find them.

I would also like to make clear that I do not consider this #worldbookczar my own personal thing. I simply see no one else standing up and addressing this issue. Should the fire take a hold of your soul and a burning desire overtake you, please, do your part. The World NEEDS a World Book Czar.

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♪What the world♪ needs now…♪

 

In February I plan on interviewing the man most think of when the word Czar is mentioned, Nicholas the II of Russia! So please, put your questions as a comment in this post and I’ll pick the most dazzling to give old Nick a headache next month.

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Czar Nicholas II. Could he be YOUR czar? Find out next month!!!

 

 

bookstooge