[Masters of Ironing] Soothing the Savage Beast

It has been said that music can tame the savage beast, without or within. Probably whoever said that was famous and wouldn’t know a savage beast if it bit them on the backside. Here at Masters of Ironing, we know better.

Let put this “hypothetical” question to you. If you were running through the Streets of Amsterdam and a lion was chasing you, would you rather have a tiny little flute in your hand or piping hot 5lb iron, preferably the good old T200 version?

Remember the Old Wise Ironing Adage: “A hot iron in hand is worth two lions in the bush“.

Forget not this precept my children and you will live a long and prosperous life.

To Iron or Not To Iron, That is NOT the Question!

For today’s Inspirational Ironing from the Heart, we will look into something that almost all Ironing Novices and even many Masters, forget.

In the opening picture Kenneth Branagh is making Hamlet’s famous speech “Alas, Poor Iron, I knew it well!” As you can see, back in Shakespeare’s day they didn’t even have the technology for a T200 Iron. The poor souls. But did that stop them from ironing? Do you really think Shakespeare showed up to the Globe without having had his minions carefully press his doublet and pantaloons? They just had to get creative with what they used, like a skull for instance. Heat that baby up and you have yourself a nice, organic, renewable, reusable iron. I’d say Shakespeare was ahead of his day in terms of recycling!

What Shakespeare knew, but didn’t share because he was a git, was that a True Master of Ironing doesn’t even need an iron. A True Master of Ironing has no use for an iron, not even the venerable and much venerated T200.

Simply think it and thus it will be. As Grand Master Yoda states:

For my ally is the Iron, and a powerful ally it is. Life creates it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us and binds us. Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter. You must feel the Iron around you; here, between you, me, the cupboard, the garage, everywhere, yes. Even between the ironing board and the clothes.

While there are more Irons in Heaven and Earth than are dreamt of in our Philosophy, dear reader, remember, There Are No Irons. This true saying will keep you on the path of a Master of Ironing and from straying into the dark realms of Cool Ironing, Beware the Cool Side!

Psychic Grandma & The Ironing T200 – A Tale of Terror, Mystery and Daring-do!

I am afraid I’ve deceived you dear reader. This will NOT be a horrifying tale of Terror, Mystery and Daring-do. What you are beholding with your amazed eyes is the culmination of years of effort on my part …… to become an Ironing Master! My sensei decided that before I could join the Elite Guard of Zen Ironing Masters, I would have to write a magnum opus that would astound the world. Thus I reveal secrets long hidden, forgotten by the world at large. I charge you, dear reader, keep these secrets deep within yourself, or the reality we know may be destroyed by knowledge I am about to show you.

Long, long, LONG ago my Siamese Twin and I were born. This was before cell phones, before Al Gore invented the internet and quite possibly before the dinosaurs went extinct. We’re still debating that. But what’s important is that our Psychic Grandma separated us and sent me to the East and my Twin to the West, depending on which way she was standing at the time. Needless to say, I grew up in the rough streets of America while my twin grew up in the lap of luxury, with the Queen of England practically feeding him grapes on command. Psychic Grandma died expending her powers and we never knew her or that we had a twin.

Alas, my destiny to become THE Ironing Master was derailed. While a mere stripling I did manage to master the T200 iron, but without further help, I was stuck and stagnated for years. Until that fateful day.

That day when Psychic Grandma revealed herself to me and showed me that I had a Twin, one who was already an Ironing Master. One from whom I could learn the True Path of Ironing and take back my Fated Destiny! Thus, Film-Authority and Bookstooge stood once again back to back. Evil would fall before us like dominoes. Particularly badly balanced dominoes too!

Was this good enough for Psychic Grandma though? Oh no! She started haunting me and wailing at midnight and shaking chains at the most inconvenient of times.

So I began my Iron Master training in earnest. Up at noon time, in bed by 5am, eating nothing but pepperoni or supreme pizzas with extra cheese, writing extra blog posts too. It was brutal! But it got Psychic Grandma off my back and that was totally worth it.

So I stand before you all today, a Humble Iron Master, to tell you that I’m pretty much the Best Iron Master ever and if you don’t think so then I’ll sic our Psychic Grandma on you and THEN you’ll be sorry!

This post has been crossposted at both MastersofIroning & Bookstooge.

September ’20 Roundup & Ramblings

Raw Data:

Books – 17

Pages – 5087

Words – 1708K

Average Rating – 3.82!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Bad:

Awakenings – 1 Star DNF

Breakout – 2.5 Stars of Utter Mediocrity

The Good:

Howl’s Moving Castle – 5 Stars of Awesomesauce

Little Dorrit – 5 Stars of Dickens’ Awesomesauce

Movie:

Voices of a Distant Star was a great anime, for a teenager and angsty 20something. Not for me anymore :-/

Miscellaneous Posts:

Personal:

Wow! What a great month of reading! I had FIVE 5star reads and FIVE 4star reads. I think this is my highest average monthly rating, ever? I would kill for more months of reading like this.

It was also a high point for all my blog stats. Best views ever since I started in ’13. I guess posting every day pays dividends.

Of course, the stress of using the new editor while blogger was also introducing a new editor got to me and just created some constant, low level stress for the whole month. Playing around with various photo storage/hosting options didn’t help either. I did decide to go back to using wordpress to host my pix until I get close to that 3bg limit. I have options with Dropbox, so I feel ok.

Also had stress due to seeing a couple of people leave either wordpress or blogger due to editor issues. Throw in some sleep and caffeine issues and spam comments and low level stress was the name of the game for the whole month. It really began to affect me mid-month and honestly, I’m not convinced I’m out of the bushes yet. And that infernal Akismet telling me my comments going into the spam folder is my fault, not theirs, didn’t help my blood pressure any either. Thankfully, it was resolved, but still, stress.

So, hobby stress. It’s a thing, as odd as it sounds. Other than that though, the month was good.

Plans for Next Month:

Manga Monday’s are coming back, so be warned. I’m also warning myself, as the numbers show.

Going to do my usual Movie and a #6degree post, which leaves me with 2 Sundays open. At the moment, I have no idea what I’ll fill them with.

I won’t be reading as much so I don’t think I’ll be posting as much. This month was just chockful and I can’t keep that kind of posting pace up. Of course, I’ve said that in years/months past and then wrote so much that I was appalled at myself. So while plans are nice, they’re more like “guidelines” 😉

Going to do my best to kick the stress to the curb though and not let it affect me in October. New month, new Bookstooge, new Ideas and whole new levels of silliness. I’ve already had 2 ideas while typing this post up. That’s usually a bad sign 😀