The Wings of the Dove ★☆☆☆☆ DNF@Page347

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Title: The Wings of the Dove
Authors: Henry James
Rating: 1 of 5 Stars DNF
Genre: Literature
Pages: 544 / 347
Words: 195K / 124K

★☆☆☆☆

There I was, reading a lengthy, wordy, utterly pointless and despicably worthless book. I’d been trapped in this book since January of 2021. I would take lunch and when I felt up to it, I’d read 1-5 pages. The author’s determination to make everything as complicated, opaque and difficult as possible made me want to beat him over the head with this tome. But I didn’t stop.

I was obviously a sick and addicted man. But it wasn’t MY fault. I HAD to read this book to prove to all those Literature People that I was just as intelligent as them! Without this book, how could I show my face in public and discuss the principles of Historical Victorianism Viewed Through a Lens of Ironic Byronism? I NEEDED this book. I really needed a DNF but I hid my problem so well that nobody suspected, not even my closest friends. Without knowing I even had a problem, there was no way they could stage an intervention and get me the help I so desperately needed. So I was stuck in a self-destructive loop of Modern Literature and Pride.

I needed a Hero. Someone to rescue me. Someone to bash Henry James in the face while simultaneously shoving all 544 pages of this book down his scrawny throat. But in this Age of Grimdark Villains and Anti-Heroes, where would I even begin looking for such a Hero as I needed? Even when I asked Shrek to use this book as toilet paper, he read one sentence and simply ran away. Where Oh Where was my Hero!?

♪I need a hero♪

♪I’m holding out for a hero ’til the end of the night♪

♪He’s gotta be strong♪

♪And he’s gotta be fast♪

♪And he’s gotta be fresh from the fight♪

♪I need a hero♪

♪I’m holding out for a hero ’til the morning light♪

♪He’s gotta be sure♪

♪And it’s gotta be soon♪

♪And he’s gotta be larger than life♪

♪Larger than life♪

It turns out, My Hero was right next to me this whole time and I never even realized it until it was too late. My good friend, mild mannered energy drink, Mr Silver Ice came to work with me one day. Little did I know that HE was the Super Hero known as The Rockstar. When The Rockstar saw what was going on he realized only one thing could save me. That day, The Rockstar poured his life out for me and destroyed that book because I was unable to do it myself. I stand here before you all today ONLY because The Rockstar was a true, selfless and self-sacrificing hero. It still brings tears to my eyes when I think about. When I opened my bag at lunch and saw the sacrifice The Rockstar had made for me, the chains of bondage to that terrible book were broken and I DNF’d it right on the spot.

Friends, I hope my experience can help some of you. I know the addiction of being a completist, the siren call to just finish the book, no matter how terrible it is. The agony, the pain, the deception as you avoid your friends’ eyes and tell them everything is fine. I KNOW. And I sympathize. But you have to accept that you can’t do this alone. DNF’ing is a matter that can cut to the soul and most times we simply can’t do it. While not everyone has a friend like The Rockstar to help them like I had, I vow, here and now, to help everyone I come across who is struggling with this issue. Do you need help DNF’ing a book? Then I will help you.

I will carry on the Legacy that The Rockstar started in my life. Bad Books and Jackass Authors will tremble at the mere sight of my shadow. The sound of my fingers typing will send them into paroxysms of terror. The Righteous Flames of Wrath will be so expressive from my eyes that their souls will writhe and shrivel to bother us no more.

So fear not, mortals, for this day, in your very sight, a New Defender has arisen. The Bookstooge will be the scourge of the Space Ways, protecting all who may need it (and even those who don’t, sometimes anyway).

Mild Mannered Bookstooge
And his alter-ego, The Bookstooge!

Project X – R

For all the bionic details about what led to the Creation of Project X, please visit the Intro Post. It’s totally worth six million bionic dollars.

LIKE
Rockst☆r

Rockstar Energy Drinks are my go-to energy drinks these days. With a choice of flavors ranging from the plain (sugar free tastes like melted AMERICAN smarties) to Tangerine-mango-guava-strawberry, carbonated and non-carbonated and with caffeine levels (140-300mg) for all levels of need, Rockstar has me covered. In fact, this post was written with the power of Rockstar.

DISLIKE
Road Rage

Road Rage, in others and even worse, in myself is one of the ugliest things I’ve seen. I drive a Subaru Legacy wagon and it weighs about 1.5tons. I’m driving a battering ram, and so is everybody else. God help us all when we as a world really begin to lose the last vestiges of self-control 😦


And that is it for this week. Stay tuned for our next episode, . where no Stone shall remain unturned on my journey to complete Project X!

Project X – E

For all the bionic details about what led to the Creation of Project X, please visit the Intro Post. It’s totally worth six million bionic dollars.

LIKE
Energy Drinks

I like energy drinks and caffeine. As you can see from the pix above, I am an equal opportunity drinker. I have a dream where the contents of an energy drink will be judged on how tasty and yummy it is and not on the appearance of its can!
#monstercansmatter

Energy drinks: cooling, refreshing, energizing, enlightening. What more could you ask from a refrigerated beverage?

DISLIKE
Energy Drinks

Energy drinks and caffeine, a scourge of mankind! A promise of unlimited energy that in the end enslaves the drinker and brings him down to lows he didn’t think could even exist!

Ellen White, one of the founders of the 7th Day Adventist church, has this to say about such things:
Diseases of every stripe and type have been brought upon human beings by the use of tea and coffee and the narcotics, opium and tobacco. These hurtful indulgences must be given up, not only one but all; for all are hurtful, and ruinous to the physical, mental, and moral powers, and should be discontinued from a health standpoint.”


Confliction! Angst! Turmoil! Addiction! Project X isn’t afraid to face the facts and get its hands dirty. Stay tuned for more shocking details in our next installment.

Louis L’Amour Would Be Ashamed Of Me

Shame on you Bookstooge, SHAME!

Louis L’Amour was a famous American author who mainly wrote in the Western Genre. He wrote of Cowboys and Indians, of the expansion westwards, of the men and women who made America what it came to be. I read his Sacketts series a couple of years ago, if you care to perambulate his works.

Last month I wrote about the Rifleman’s Creed and in the comments Mogsy was talking about the price of ammo and that brought to mind today’s subject.

In many of L’Amour’s books, the lone hero (for they are almost always A Lone Hero), near the end of the story, will walk into the Local Store and buy 10,000 rounds of ammunition. The shopkeeper always asks “You looking to start a war, mister?” to which the Lone Hero always replies “No sir, but I sure do aim to finish one”. I could always hear the drawl in the Lone Hero’s voice when he spoke those words. And it stuck in my head.

So when Mogsy began talking about the price of ammo (and it has doubled and tripled since November 2020 and become a scarce commodity) that little memory was jogged. It made me wonder how much 10,000 rounds actually is. That started me down this path and here we are today.

A few facts. Most of what was bought in the stories were heavier calibres than I use, which is 9mm. Hence the weight and space used would be greater. 10K rounds of 9mm ammo weighs approximately 300lbs (this is calculated from my order of 1K which UPS said weighed right around 30lbs). . Google tells me that 1000 rounds of 30-30 weighs in around 46lbs so 10,000 rounds would weigh in at at least 400-500lbs. A good mule can carry about 200lbs of dead weight. Same for a good horse. And a good cowboy always has spare horses on hand, because he knows he’s going to need them. So as long as Mr Ed can round up a couple of his relatives and talk Francis into the gig, our Lone Hero is all set. However, you won’t be throwing all that into a gunny sack and slinging it across your back. Unless you happen to be Batman on venom anyway 😉

As for what it looks like in terms of space, here’s a picture of 3300 rounds. Not exactly 10K (which is why L’Amour is ashamed of me). The paperback is there for size perspective.

Pricewise, I simply have zero idea what ammo cost then. Nowadays? Well, last year at this time it cost approximately 25-30cents a round. Today? I’m seeing 90cents to a buck fifty. A Round. Every time I pull the trigger at the range, it’s like I just shot a can of Rockstar energy drink down the lane 😦

Muh baybees!

And on that happy note, I think it’s time to end this post. Next month I hope to feature a couple of my walking sticks, which aren’t nearly as expensive 😉

VPX Bang VERSUS VPX Bang Caffeine Free

So far, my VERSUS posts have all been media related. All two of them, lol. This time around I wanted to do something in the Food category just to make things a little different. Since I KNOW every single one of you is secretly an energy drink addict but can’t admit it, I figured a post like this would help you feel better and potentially gain me a few votes in my plans to become World Book Czar. That has been my master plan ever since moving here to WordPress but it wasn’t time to announce it. Now though, I think the world is ready for me.

And before I turn this into nothing but a schpiel promising free leatherbound books and free energy drinks for your vote, let’s move along.

bang
Packed to the freaking gills with the Power of Caffeine!!!

 

bancafffree
Much like many Social Justice Warriors, this has good intentions but nothing of substance.

 

Technically speaking, Bang is for those who work out and need that kick in the pants to get going and really power through their workout. The COQ10 and “Super” Creatine and BCAA (branched chain amino acids) are all buzzwords that are pretty much empty promises of making you superman. I’ve been drinking this stuff for almost a year now and so far, I have not outrun any bullets (or had to, thank goodness!!!), won any wrestling contests with local locomotives or leapt over any tall buildings.  However, it sure does make me awake in the mornings and gets me going. And it is clear.

bangclear
Due to my japanese heritage and my rampant alcoholism, a saki bowl is a staple in this household!

 

One of the smaller reasons I switched over from other energy drinks like Monster or Rockstar is that drinking those on a regular basis left my sweat smelling stale and chemical’ly. I do very physical work while at work and sweat like a pig, so I’m already stinky enough at the end of the day. Adding even more nastiness was rather unpleasant. If you’ve ever read any stories with fat old kings eating pork and drinking wine and how they’re described, sour, stale, etc, that is what I felt like. Since I’ve switched, I’ve not had that particular issue. I don’t smell like a rose mind you, but who would after drinking 3 liters of water and sweating it all out in 7hrs?

But on to comparing these 2 against each other, not other energy drinks.

 

The Taste:

Bang BCV (black cherry vanilla) is sweet, has a smooth taste, is lightly carbonated and tastes like the black cherry yoghurt I like. Nothing about it is offensive or off or unpleasant. The only real downside is that if I drink one at the end of the work day, I’m up until midnight and I just can’t do that anymore. I like the taste though and would love to drink it just for the taste.

So when I saw that Bang BCV came out in a caffeine free version, I was pretty stoked. So I bought 2 cases of the stuff. THEN I drank some.

Bang BCVCF (you’re smart, you can figure it out!) was not nearly so sweet, had no hint of the vanilla smoothness and had a very slight undertaste of that cherry cough medicine you buy at drugstores. In other words, it was not pleasant. It wasn’t horrible, but it is not something I would ever ask someone else to drink, unsuspectingly. And I had 24 cans of it to get through. My life sucks.

 

The Ingredients:

They both list the ingredients but have them in slightly different order. Just glancing through, it seems like they have the same ingredients.  I did try to count the ingredients and it “seems” like the original has 2 more of something, but the print was so small that I wasn’t going to try to figure out which had what. There IS a difference (I had excluded the caffeine from that number, so it is something else) and whatever that difference is, it really affects the taste.

The biggest thing Mrs Bookstooge spied was that “natural flavorings” was much higher on the list in the original than in the caff-free version. Who knew horse piss could taste so good!?!?

 

The Winner:

Everybody is a winner on this blog!

comic-everyonesawinner
Me and Kool-Aid Man, chillaxin’ like the winners we are!

Original triumphs over the caff-free version every single time. Caff-free has a place, but I have to be pretty tired, thirsty and worn out from work to want to drink it. Other than in that type of situation, I’ll make up some crystal light mix to drink in the evening.

By the Power of Rockstar…I have the POWER!

74c60b07cdf41a7d761cd49347fab67a

 

Mild mannered Prince Bookstooge, once energized by…

!The Power of Rockstar!

…is transformed into that magnificent specimen of Bookliness, Book Man!

Able to lie for hours at a time on The Couch and Read A Book, Book Man is not one to be messed with. This does not stop his arch-enemy, SkeleChore, from attempting to wreak havoc on Book Man every Sunday. Like a tv villain almost 😉

Dishes, Laundry, Vacuuming, nay even Cooking! What depths will SkeleChore sink to to distract our hero from his sworn duty? Find out…Next Week!

 

*no exclamation points were hurt in the writing of this post*