#worldbookczar Candidate: Ildico

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Today’s Candidate: Ildico, better known as Mrs Attila the Hun!

 

B: So before we begin the questioning,  would you care to spill the beans about that eventful night and how Attila really died?

I: Bookstooge, I would LOVE to get this off my chest. The so-called official stories have the Old Lech getting a nosebleed and choking to death on it because he was stinking drunk, or that I killed him with a itty-bitty knife.  The real events so shocked me that I was speechless for days after the event and only now do I feel safe enough to let the world know what really happened.

There we were, the Old Lech fortifying himself with wine because he knew I wasn’t going to just let him have me, no matter what the treaty said when suddenly, 2 small grey beings with great big heads and humongous eyes suddenly appeared before our eyes. They pointed an odd looking sceptre at the Old Lech and he just keeled over. The 2 Lords told me to never reveal this to anyone upon pain of grstlzzzk. I asked them their names to prove they weren’t figments of my imagination. One answered that he was named Nashitat and the other Naziat (I could only tell them apart because Naziat had this funny little tuft of hair on his upper lip). I swore myself to secrecy but when I heard about this whole World Book Czar Initiative, I knew I had to get elected and warn the world.

I tried to contact Scully and Mulder but they were both so busy finding out that everything they knew was a lie that they didn’t have much attention for poor little me. And no offense to you Bookstooge, but your blog doesn’t quite have the reach I need. So I NEED to become World Book Czar to warn the world and prepare it for the coming invasion. THERE. IS. NO. OTHER. WAY!!!

B: Wow Ildico, I had NO idea.  Thank you for risking so much and letting us know that the Truth is Out There!

 

B:  An Orangutan blogger claims that she will read anything and that that is a good reading habit. What are your thoughts on this and what your official response be as World Book Czar? She’d also like some beauty tips, as she’s thinking of World Domination herself at some point.

I: Oh, I’m going to have to put a stop to thinking like that! Grey Propaganda is everywhere and if people read whatever they want, they’ll read the Propaganda and bow low before the Lords Nashitat and Naziat when they return. We cannot have that if we want to survive! I will be handing out free survival guides (which include a complimentary tin foil hat) and insurgency pamphlets. Also, a little paper on how to make homemade current jelly. Just because we might be hiding like rats when the Overlords return doesn’t mean we can’t eat well.

As for beauty tips. I highly recommend the blood of your enemies, applied lightly just under the eyes, once a day. Can really bring out the inner fire in a woman, errr, Orangutan.

 

B: Ichadbod has several questions and I’ll list them in order:

  1.  Are you available or do you have a sister?
  2. Is there a literacy requirement for being WBC and do you pass it?
  3. You are a hottie  *wolf whistle* (Not exactly a question but I, Bookstooge, will let it pass)

I: *blushes* *pulls out a kukri and begins sharpening it*

Yes Iccy, I am available. But I have to ask you, are you man enough? My standards are pretty high now. Especially if I’m going to be WBC. You let me know when you’ve got an  Empire going and then you can come calling. I’m kind of old fashioned that way.

After talking with the WBC Committee, they were forced to admit that there is no “official” literacy requirement. However, have no fear. I read Germanic, Latin, Greek and thanks to an unforeseen side affect of the Overlords Sceptre, Atlantean and Goa’uldian.

 

B: Ola would like to know if you were the inspiration for Barbarella. Secondly, she’d like to know how you plan to expand the WBCI, as of this moment it is NOT a global Initiative in reality but in nature alone.

I: Ha, I would tear this Barbarella into tiny bits with my bare hands if she tried to stand in my way. If I am the inspiration for her, then this world is doomed.

As for expanding the WBCI, I foresee no problems with that at all. The Overlords dropped their sceptre and with my newfound Atlantean language skills, I have reprogrammed it. Now I can control weak minds with the touch of a button. It also makes a great cheddar cheese wheel!

 

B: Cheddar cheese?!?! Well, you have MY vote, for sure!!!!

I: Sorry Bookie, I just used the device on you. I know that is kind of cheating but I had to test it you know.

 

B: That is A OK, because I already liked cheddar cheese! But back to business…

The Little Panda would like to know if the Book Blogging Community is any different from the Hunnic tribes and what would your first act as World Book Czar be?

I: Bookie, you tricked me? You already liked cheddar cheese? Well, I guess I’ll have to test this on somebody else.

Panda, the tribes were a piece of cake compared to the clans of the book bloggers. Chop off one or two heads and the huns fell right into line. Do that with the bloggers and they all start whining about their rights and then complain 10 times as much. Worse than babies if you ask me. My first act would be to show them my new sceptre and make them all love cheddar cheese. Remember, Cheddar is Beddar!

 

B: Norrie would like to know any hair care tips, as she would like to look fabulous while reading. No world domination there, just plain old book reading.

I: Mares milk mixed with a tablespoon of the blood of your enemies is a wonderful conditioner. It adds real body to your hair. It also gives it wonderful sheen and that indefinable “vavoom” that you’re looking for.  That and a tinfoil hat is a girl’s best friend!

 

B:  Ildico, I’d like to really thank you for taking the time to meet and answer our questions. Best of luck in the ongoing campaign and I trust your Cheddar is Beddar slogan catches on. As a show of support, I’ve made my own tinfoil hat already and am wearing it. It’s very comfortable and rather stylish, now that I see it.

I: Bookie, you are so welcome. I just want to save the world from any possible annihilation and this seems like the best way to do that.

 

 

The Rest of the Story:

A month after this interview took place, I received a very strange letter. Ildico told me that she had a black out and was missing for a week. When she came to, in a cornfield of all places, she was 8 months pregnant. She told me she is going to name the child Ihm Uhm the 13th. Weird huh? Well, we all wish her the best. Being a full time mom AND World Book Czar  seems like a lot but if anyone can do it, Ildico is that woman! Get out and vote! (especially if you want free tin foil hats)

 

Next Month on Meet the Candidate:

Going to be taking a break in May from all my regular weekend posts, so there will be no Meet the Candidate. June will return to form and I hope that extra time will allow me to get some answers from our next candidate, Bregalad the Ent, also known as Quickbeam.

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Remember, you can always click on the “Meet the Candidate” tag to see all the candidates as they are revealed or the #worldbookczar one. I hope you enjoyed this. Until next time, Bookstooge Out.

 

 

bookstooge

 

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#worldbookczar Candidate: Lex Luthor

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Today’s Candidate: Lex Luthor, CEO of LexCorp

 

B: Thank you Mr Luthor for agreeing to this interview. We’re going to get right down to business and start with some hard questions. I hope you’re ok with that.

LL: Not a problem Bookstooge. If I can’t handle hard questions, not only don’t I deserve to cover up for LexCorp, but I would simply step out of the running for World Book Czar. The Eyes of the World are going to be on that person. Imagine the Media Coverage!

 

B: Great. Ok, first question from Mrs Baller.  “Superman has kryptonite as his weakness, what’s yours?”

LL:   *forced jovial laughMy dear madam, what an absolutely enchanting question. While I try to remain humble, the truth is, I don’t have any. No really, it’s true. That is probably the Number One reason I deserve to be World Book Czar. The Media needs someone who they can admire fully and not feel like sellouts when they do so many glamour shots of me and those “A Day in the Life of..” biopic pieces I’m sure they’ll all be clamoring for.

 

B:  Mr Ichabod asks “Are current fashionistas copying your bald look to emulate you or to try to copy some of your natural good looks?”

LL:  Wow, you weren’t kidding about getting right to the hard questions! Mr Ichabod, I salute your courage and obvious integrity for cutting through the fluff.  I believe it is a bit of both. Bald is beautiful you know and the media always loves a beautiful candidate. A man can’t just DO the job, he has to look good doing it. Which is why if I am World Book Czar it won’t really be a job for me, but more of a calling.

 

B:  Panda would like to know what you think of your Smallville incarnation in the form of Michael Rosenbaum? I’d like to add a follow up question too. Who do you think played you the best and the worst throughout the movies, tv and cartoons?

LL:  Rosenbaum looked GOOD! That one episode where Cassy has a vision of him in the white suit while standing over a mountain of bones turning red? That was classic.

As for others, hmmmm. My least favorite was the cartoon version from Superman: The Animated series. It seemed very clownish to me.  I know it won’t be a popular opinion, but I actually rather enjoyed Jesse Eisenberg’s portrayal in Batman vs Superman. The whole hair to non-hair took some gravitas and I feel he carried it off without a hitch.

The World Book Czar is going to be in the Public’s Eye all the time, so the image presented is VERY important.

 

B:  Monkey would like to know why you have this ongoing conflict with Superman She’d also like some tips for getting out of jail and employment opportunities.

LL:  *dramatic sigh* Ahh, that old question. The thing is, I do NOT have a problem with Superman, he has a problem with me. I’ve reached out to him time and again to work out our differences but don’t you know, it’s always the same old story. “Truth, Justice, the American Way”, blah, blah and then he gets all morally superior and tosses me in jail. There is just no reasoning with him! When I’m World Book Czar, reasoned discussions amongst warring bloggers is top of my list!

I recommend ♪Lawyers,♪Guns♪and Money♪ for getting out of jail. One of the 3 will always work.

As for employment opportunities I suspect I will need a solid cadre of Yes Monkeys when I become World Book Czar. Contact LexCorp at 555-539-2677 OR email your resume to Lex@Lexcorp.com. Please highlight any super powers you might have and put that at the top.  Thank you for your interest and I hope you’ll become a valued member of Team Lex!

 

B: SavageDave would like to know why you don’t use your brains, wealth and abilities for good?

LL: Oh Bookstooge, this question hurts! It hurts me right here *smacks chest*.  Here I am, the only person concerned about an undocumented alien with unregulated power, ruling the earth. Make no mistake, Superman might have a velvet glove, but we all know he is the Man of Steel, not just a fist of steel!  Bullets can’t hurt him, tanks he laughs at. If Superman decides that YOU, SavageDave, are a bad person, off to jail you go and there is NOTHING you can do about it. I stand up for the little man. My secret underground science labs are churning out new ideas every day to help protect mankind!

As World Book Czar I will continue that protection. As we speak, right now, my scientists are working on the Bookinator 800, the first of its kind mobile book protection unit. It will protect the world from bad books where ever they may be found. Upon my honor, book bloggers will NOT have to deal with bad books ever again.

 

B:  Mizzz Gee asks “Do you read?”  And I’ll add “WHAT do you read?”

LL: Nothing is sexier than  a bald man reading a book. Studies prove it in fact. Supergirl herself told me that her fascination with me began when she saw a candid picture of me reclining at lunch reading War and Peace. And honestly, if one does not read, they shouldn’t even think about running for World Book Czar.

As to what I read, first and foremost is the Art of War.  We live in perilous times and knowing your enemy is the best defense. Plus I look REALLY good in a kimono.

 

B:  A Planetary Scale Arms Dealer would like to know “how do the ASC 606 standards for revenue recognition impact your corporate holdings”?

LL:  A good CEO knows everything about his business.  ASC 606 and IFRS 15 replace almost all current revenue guidance, including industry-specific guidance. The new
standards greatly enhance the related quantitative and qualitative disclosure
requirements. They also introduce concepts that don’t exist under the current
revenue recognition model—including many that involve significant judgment,
such as estimating transaction price. I think our accountants began work on this when it was first introduced, so it’s application to our business model won’t disrupt normal work flow procedures, allowing LexCorpt to concentrate on its core business models, thus insuring stability in our stock while other companies might be a bit adrift.

Short answer, it won’t affect us.

I think this type of thing is a great example of why I am the perfect candidate for World Book Czar. I saw this coming, I prepared for it and when the waves of change hit, LexCorp was a bulwark of stability in an ocean of uncertainty. I plan to bring that same stability to the book world.  I promise!

 

*swoosh* *zounds!* *biff* *pow* *whammo* *fwoooooosh*

 

B: And apparently, we are done here. Superman just flew in, arrested Luthor and took him off to jail. Sorry folks but the Wheels of Justice do grind on.

 

The Rest of the Story

Lex Luthor has a lot of experience running things from within prisons, so this little incident does not cut him out of the running.  Remember, a vote for Luthor is a vote for Gillette stock options!

 

Next Month on Meet the Candidate

Next month, I’ll be interviewing Ildico. Most of us know her better as Mrs Attila the Hun. In a completely candid tell-all, Mrs Hun reveals what REALLY happened that final night and why it makes her the only deserving candidate to be World Book Czar.

ildico

 

 

So please, feel free to comment here on Luthor’s Interview, but also, if you have questions for Mrs Hun, now is the time and here is the place.

Remember, you can always click on the “Meet the Candidate” tag to see all the candidates as they are revealed or the #worldbookczar one. I hope you enjoyed this. Until next time, Bookstooge Out.

 

bookstooge

#worldbookczar Candidate: Czar Nicholas II

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Today’s candidate: Russian Czar Nicholas II

 

 

B: Glad to have you with us today, Czar Nicholas II. Do you mind if I call you Nicky? It sets a more informal atmosphere and helps the readers to connect with you on a more personal level.

N: Not at all, Gospodin Bookstooge. Forgive me, but I simply can’t help but call such a distinguished gentleman as yourself anything less formal. This royal upbringing, you understand, da?

 

B: No worries Nicky, You do what you have to. Now, onto the questions. We’ll start out with some of the get to know you kind. One of my highly placed Sources would like to know if Rasputin was really as scary as he looks in the pictures?

N:  Bahh, Rasputin was a teddy bear. Why ,the way he’d bleed little Alexei would bring a tear to even the hardest heart. It came as a terrible shock when I heard how he had slipped on that icy meadow and accidentally shot himself in the forehead only to stumble for miles and fall into that river and freeze to death. I do think it was bad form myself but considering he came from peasant stock, well, blood will tell.

It seems to me that a man like myself, who has had such deep friendships and terrible hardships is perfectly suited to becoming World Book Czar, if you don’t me saying so.  Plus, my mustache and beard are demnedably sexy you know.

 

B:  Okaaaaay. Well, onto our next question.  An Anonymous poster asks “Why didn’t you send your family to safety sooner, you stupid man?”

N:  Hah, stupid? With a mustache and beard like this? I think not! It takes real brains to look this good. Besides, my family is perfectly safe. It’s me you should be worried about! Gallivanting all over the front lines straightening out those peasant generals. Tsk, tsk. Imagine, an army that doesn’t look stylish? I won’t have it.

That is yet another reason why I should be the World Book Czar. I’ll look good doing it. And styling is half the battle you know. G.I. Joseph told me that.

 

B: One particular lassie wanted to know how long it took to get gussied up, what with all those medals. As a follow up,  she was also interested in what made your mustache so grand?

N:  Hoho, a lassie? I’ll answer ANY questions for the girls. The girls all just love me so it’s only fair I return the favor.

How long to get all those medals on? It all depends on how arthritic Franz was feeling that morning. On a good morning, when he wasn’t bent over too bad, maybe 30minutes? But when he was feeling pugnacious or sulky and claimed he couldn’t even straighten up, closer to an hour. I don’t know what was wrong with that man. I would have thought that the honor of seeing me all “shinied” up would have sent his “arthritis” running. (I think he is faking half the time. He was only 60 for goodness sake)

Ahhh, the mustache. Brain power, pure intellect. I simply think about how great my mustache is each night and the power of my brain makes it so every morning.

 

B: These questions come from a very inquisitive monkey. No, not Curious George, but the Orangutan Librarian.  What did you think of the movie “Anastasia” and its music and would you haunt President Putin if you were a ghost?

N: You allow MONKEYS to ask you questions? My goodness, what kind of world do you live in there in the future anyway? Good thing I’m going to become World Book Czar and straighten everything out for you!

I have heard of these things you call movies. A great tool to entertain the useless masses and keep them happy while they waste their lives doing the pathetic things that only they are capable of. So whatever the music is like, as long as they sing it, I’m all for it. Nothing worse than a bored, uppity peasant.

“President” Putin you say? Well, I doubt his mustache is as great as mine, so I definitely would haunt him, just to mock him. Mustaches are serious business you know.

 

B: A Canadian would like to know what life after death is like.

N: A Canadian? Aren’t they the waffle eating, hockey playing people who kill everyone with uber-politeness? I like them! And considering that question, I’m guessing this Canadian must be an Highly Educated Russian Aristocrat in Exile!

What? He’s from peasant stock you say? I’m shocked!!!

Well, to answer the question. I don’t know. I’m so full of life that I plan on living forever. And that is a big point for me being World Book Czar. Continuity you know. No messy succession wars or anything. Just unchanging peace as I rule with a gentle hand upon all my book loving children across the world.

 

B:  Over the years, there has been a lot of dissent among the Book Blogger Community over so many issues. How would YOU bring such a rambunctious group together into one peaceful commune?

N: Ahhh, now we are getting into the nitty gritty of being World Book Czar. Good! I have mnogo, mnogo plans!

First off, I would bring all the bloggers together at my modest house. A mere 200 rooms should suffice, da? What, a million of these bloggers, with millions more? Hmmm, that changes things. Ok, Siberia it is then! I will create a winter wonderland where these bloggers can all congregate. Nature and human nature will weed out all the weak ones. Then I will  instruct the remaining ones in my personal philosophy on books.  Once they realize how rational, spiritual and perfect my philosophy is,  Utopia will have been achieved.

 

B: That actually brings up a great point. Another Blogger wants to know what you’re going to do if he doesn’t go along with your plans?

N: Not go along with my plans? Inconceivable! But now that you mention it, that is how my generals are acting nowadays. If this blogger won’t hasten Utopia and my powers of mustache won’t work, then I’ll just have to go with the old standby. Kill him and his entire family and clan. You say there are millions of these bloggers, so nobody will miss one or two anyway.

*claps hands*  Yes, I’m so brilliant!

 

B: Well, Nicky, I see that the clock says our time is up. Thanks so much for coming on over and answering our questions. As you know, the world NEEDS a World Book Czar and I appreciate you taking an interest in promoting this vital part of the book blogging community.

N: Happy to oblige, Gospodin Bookstooge. I am sure that readers everywhere will realize my shining leadership qualities in the upcoming Election and I have every confidence that they will pick the right man.

 

 

 

The Rest of the Story

After this interview, ol’ Nicky got himself abdicated and then executed by his fellow countrymen for being such an incompetent osel. Sadly, this puts him clean out of the running for World Book Czar. I sure hope you weren’t planning on voting for him!

 

Next Month on Meet the Candidate

I feel like I scored a real coup with getting this candidate to answer some questions. He’s a very busy businessman and globetrotter extraordinaire. With experience running mega-conglomerations and businesses so big they put countries to shame, I present…

…..LEX LUTHOR!!!

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So please, feel free to comment here on Poor Nicky’s Interview, but also, if you have questions for Mr Luthor, now is the time and here is the place.

Remember, you can always click on the “Meet the Candidate” tag to see all the candidates as they are revealed or the #worldbookczar one. I hope you enjoyed this. Until next time, Bookstooge Out.

 

 

bookstooge

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bookstoogedamus Predicts The FUTURE!

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You know what? I saw that picture while googling for one of the tag posts, grabbed it, thought up the title of this post, saved it as a draft and now I have NO idea where I was going with this. I mean absolute zero idea. Not even Kelvin could get anymore zero’ey than me at the moment.

Which means I’m going to have to put my brain into gear and work at this post! So what I have been trying to predict? Let us explore…

 

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I predict there will be some rain this year and sunshine. Also, some snow for variety’s sake. Temperatures will get really hot and also really cold. As completely accurate as I know that is going to be, it just doesn’t seem what I was aiming for.

 

bruh-fight-me-27954658I predict that I will get in a fight with somebody on the internet this year. Wowzah, I bet THAT comes as a shock to everybody.  Peaceful ol’ Bookstooge who wouldn’t hurt a fly (unless it was a COMMUNIST FLY!!!!!!!!) predicting he’ll get into an altercation of opinions with somebody else? I give this prediction a very low chance of happening, but just in case, you know?

 

 

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I predict I am going to watch some movies this year and some of them will be so bad they are good. Well, as long as Rifftrax keeps putting out their lower tier releases on Amazon Prime, I don’t see how I can go wrong with this prediction, especially that bad part.

 

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I will read at least “some” books this year! If THIS prediction doesn’t come true, you, me and the whole planet are bloody screwed and I do mean royally.

 

Well, that is pretty much it. Besides lottery numbers, what else is worth predicting? (and seeing as how I don’t gamble, it’s a moot point) And even after all that work, I still have no idea what my original intent was. Talk about a disappointment, eh? Yeah, me too. You all should probably buy me consolation prizes so I feel better about myself.  I’m very sensitive on the inside, as this picture shows:

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Welp, until next time, Bookstooge out…

 

bookstooge (Custom)

PSA: The Oxford Comma – An Abomination Before Bookstooge

PSA

 

The Oxford Comma, the Oxford comma, and the oxford comma. Oh where to begin on this horrible travesty that has infested the purity of English grammar?

First off, a small grammar lesson so you know WHAT the oxford comma is, just in case you weren’t aware of this filthy betrayal.  When writing a list of 3 or more items, you put a comma between items and then an “and” between the final items. Example:  Bookstooge loves alcohol, cigarettes and pork.  The disgusting perps who use the oxford comma would write that sentence as thus: Bookstooge loves alcohol, cigarettes, and pork.

The communists who love this abomination will trot out example after example of why the oxford comma is so superior. Here are a couple of funny cartoons to show their propaganda.

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Now why would I have a problem with making something more clear and easy to understand? BECAUSE THERE ARE ALREADY GRAMMAR RULES DEALING WITH THIS ISSUE AND IT ENCOURAGES LAZY AND BAD WRITING.

 

If you can not communicate clearly what you are trying to get across and need an extra comma, then you are a terrible writer and I’m going to guess a pretty bad person too. The reason it frustrates me so much is because all it takes is a little bit of grammar skill to avoid such “pitfalls” as the Oxford Comma Collaborators put forth. It encourages bad, sloppy and lazy writing and dumbs down the rules for the idiots who shouldn’t be writing in the first place!

With the advent, and continued rise, of the indie writers, we as readers should not be accepting of anything that allows them to continue to be bad writers. We should be expecting them to improve as they write and to learn the rules and the skills they need.

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The mindset of the typical oxford comma user

 

So when you are writing and are tempted to use the oxford comma to get out of re-writing your sentence, just remember, Demon Goat will be waiting for you.

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bookstooge (Custom)

 

The “I’m Bored so I’m going to make everyone Else suffer too” Tag

Found this over at Britchy’s.  Not a book review site and yet I haven’t stopped following.  The creative juices still aren’t flowing, so I figured I’d try something like this to jumpstart them. We’ll see if it works.
1. Do you like blue cheese? 
Absolutely.  Well, I like blue cheese dressing. The best place for blue cheese is on a burger. A local Mex-American restaurant has a killer bluecheese burger and that is what I get every time we go there.  We’ve been going there, sporadically mind you, for about 5 years and so far, no exploration for this one!

 

2. Coke or Pepsi? 
But diet, I can handle either.  I’m pretty open and accepting that way. Just call me a Soda Justice Warrior.
3. Do you own a gun? 
Two in fact. My first gun was/is a 22 rifle. Great for getting rid of squirrels in the backyard back in the 90’s.
This year I bought my first pistol. A Sig Sauer P938.  It’s a sub-compact,  technically might even be a micro-compact, but it fits my hands perfectly. I can shoot through 50-100 rounds at the range and have zero hand and arm fatigue. That’s the way it should be!
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Sig P938 Combat model with the extended magazine in 9mm.  A dream to handle.

4. What flavor of Kool-aid?  
Fruit Punch. Me and the Koolaid Man, busting down those walls, yo.
5. Hot dogs? 
Hebrew National kosher beef dogs. If I’m going to eat the leftovers of a cow, I want to know its the best of the worst 🙂
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6. Favorite TV show? 
Don’t have one.
7. Do you believe in ghosts? 
Demons masquerading as spirits of the deceased yes. Actual deceased people in incorporeal form, no.
8. What do you drink in the morning? 
A Bang Energy drink.  7 days a week.
9. Can you do a push-up? 
I used to do 100 every day back in the day. Then I got “frozen shoulder” in both my shoulders and now not so much.
10. Favorite Jewelry?
My wedding ring. The only piece of jewelry I own.
11. Favorite Hobby? 
Reading, come on!
Then, playing Magic the Gathering.
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12. Do you have ADD? 
No.
13. Do you wear glasses? 
Yes.
14. Favorite cartoon character? 
Nothing springs to mind. Maybe Yugioh if you include anime?
15. Three things you did today? 
Wake up at 0630.
Drink a Pina Colada Bang.
Write this post.
16. Three drinks you drink regularly? 
Water.
Bang.
Water.
17. Current movies?
Antman & the Wasp. Liked it enough that I’ll be putting it on my Christmas wish list this year. It was almost as good as the original Antman and I loved that movie.
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18. Do you believe in magic?
Technically, yes.
19. Favorite place to be? 
On the couch reading.
20. How did you ring in the New Year? 
2300 hits and I’m fast asleep. Forget midnight anymore.
21. Travel? Where would you go?  
That is Mrs B’s department. I’d be happy to never leave my town.
22. Name five people who will most likely read this?  
Ronald Reagan
Larry Correia
You
Beyonce
That squirrel I have sworn blood vengeance against (he likes to know where I am so he can live another day)
23. Favorite movie?  
Die Hard
Matrix
John Wick
24. Favorite color?  
Forest Green
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25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?  
In the summer yes. In the winter, it’s flannel all the way!
26. Can you whistle? 
Not even a sleazy wolf whistle 😦
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Mrs B is pretty devastated that I can’t wolf whistle at her. The trials that poor woman has to endure.

27. Where are you now?  
My “Favorite Place”
29. Favorite food?  
It’s a real tossup between homemade chicken potpie and pizza.
Of course, 4 cups of Cap’n Crunch has its own appeal in the summer.
30. Least favorite chore?  
All of them.
31. Best job you can think of?  
Being the lead model for Ultra Sexy Hairy Man dot com.
It’s a dream come true for me.
32. What’s in your pockets?  
Hahahaha, jokes on you.
I’m not wearing any pants so no pockets!
33. Last thing that made you laugh?  
The fact that I didn’t buy a lottery ticket (mega millions) and nobody won last night, so the prize is now 1.6 BILLION (or 900 million cash up front). Obviously, it is a sign that I am the Chosen Won (I am so freaking clever in the morning!), meant to win this prize beyond mortal comprehension.
34. Favorite animal?  
All the dead ones.
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35. What’s your most recent injury? 
Walked through some thorns the other day and scored a 4inch long gash on my hand and forearm. Good times.
36. How many TVs are in your house?  
TV’s are an abomination unto Bookstooge. They are conduits of pure evil and mindless drivel. They destroy brain matter and warp reality itself.
So, we only have one.
37. Worst pain ever?  
When I had the frozen shoulder and was pulling a dead tree out of the way. It snapped, which snapped my arm back and it felt like lightning going through my shoulder.  I just lay on the ground for about 10min until I could think again. That’s when I finally went to the doctors and started in on physical therapy.
38. Do you like to dance? 
No.
39. Are your parents still alive? 
Well, they’re supposed to come up here for Christmas, so I sure hope so. Fighting zombie parents on Christmas is just about the worst ever.
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40. Do you enjoy camping? 
Yes.
Nothing makes me more excited than to sleep on the hard ground, skip a nice warm shower and eat food that is only technically “food”. Oh, and putting up a tent, totally within my skillset as a male model.
bookstooge (Custom)
Edited:
PS
Sorry about the lack of spacing. That is what happens when you copy/paste from a source you don’t know. )Not Britchy by the way)  I’d probably have to redo the whole post to get it right and that’s just not happening.
My apologies.

Saint Bookstooge Gives Answer

st-wolfgang-and-devil

 

As you can see, the Denizens of Hell itself (namely, you all) presented me with a veritable book of questions to answer in my Confessional post. Being of stout heart and sound mind, I will answer such questions to put to rest any rumors that I am a crazy, grumpy nut job. And vote for me when the next election for World Book Czar comes around!

 

1 )  What is something a lot of people don’t know about you?

Good question!  I think the thing most people don’t know is that I’ve never been to Timbuktu. Surprising I know, but very true. The other is that I can never be President of the United States because while I’m a citizen and was born one, I was actually born in Canada. So you all will just have to settle for me as Dictator.

 

2 ) What would be the most offensive question a person could ask you and would you answer it?

I had to think about this one to be honest. A lot of it would have to do with the attitude behind the question. I guess though, it would be someone asking me to deny my faith in Jesus Christ.

On a less serious note, but personally offensive would be if someone asked me if I was a woman. Being bald, goatee’d and rather muscular in the chest and shoulders with a fine tenor voice, I’d have to question their motives in asking. And then probably punch them out for being a dumb git.

 

3 ) When living on the 4th floor of a block of flats, where should I plan to have my bunker installed?

Sadly,  bunkers and urban areas don’t mix real well.  If your building has a flat roof, you could begin surreptitiously building it up there. Of course, when the building is blown to smithereens, your bunker will fall 4 stories and make jelly out of you. So stock up on peanut butter, that way any survivors can have peanut butter and “jelly” sandwiches 😉

 

4 ) Have you ever been in a different country as to where you live and grew up(overseas)? If so where have you visited?

I’ve gone to Israel for 2 weeks back in the early ’00’s. I also did a road trip around Newfoundland (Canada) with an older couple who had always dreamed of doing that. They got a chauffeur and I got to see the sites. Both trips simply confirmed to me that I am a “stay in one place and stick there like mud” kind of guy. I don’t ever plan on travelling outside the US again and even travelling in-country is going to take something like a funeral or family commitments.

 

5 ) What does the Mona Lisa’s smile really signify?

I wish I could say it was something profound, or that it had to do with me, but like much of life, it was a rather petty thing. She had just found out that her sister had been dumped by the football quarterback at the school they were both attending. Jina Lisa had been insufferable up to that point so Mona was happy to see her taken down a peg or two.

 

6 ) It is commonly believed that aliens haven’t invaded Earth because they fear your righteous wrath. But one day you’ll die, and we’ll be defenseless. How can we prepare for the inevitable onslaught?

This is the kind of long range question that shows just how intelligent you all are. I love having followers who can think and extrapolate from that.  So to answer, your best bet is to keep on reading. Aliens hate reading for some reason. It makes it really hard for them to run their spaceships but hey, that’s their problem, right?

 

7 ) I heard you once beat Chuck Norris in an arm-wrestling contest. Is this true?

The only people who know the true answer to that are me, Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee (who was the witness and wouldn’t promise to keep his mouth shut. You know what happened to him!)

 

8 ) When you tell someone the time, do you say, for example, “It’s seven-fifteen” or do you say “It’s a quarter past seven”?

When I’m at work, I use the precise 0715 military time but when at home or talking to friends, I tend to use the quarter of and quarter past.

 

9 ) Why are you in such a good mood when you wrote the Confessional post?

I had just gotten back from date night with Mrs B and we had eaten at a gourmet macaroni and cheese restaurant called Mr Mac’s. I’d had mac and pepperoni with pepperjack cheese and I was feeling full and fine. And I’d snuck in a rockstar on the side, so the caffeine was giving me a bit of a kick too.

 

10A ) What was the most difficult thing to teach Bruce Wayne?

You probably won’t believe this, but that little brat had a cockney accent as thick as the Thames. It was “ello guvna” this and “blimey” that. Personally, I place the blame squarely on Alfred’s shoulders. Teaching him to speak American with that special “upper crust” sneer took a couple of months. But he’s Batman, so he did pretty good considering.

 

10B ) What is something else you taught Batman? I’ve always wanted to be like him.

Without giving secrets that might endanger his mission of justice on this Earth, I can say that any time you see Batman rocking the Batsuit, I showed him the moves.  If you want to be like him, throw yourself around the room, whipping your spine as hard as possible. If you survive, you’re good to go!

 

11 ) Be honest, it was actually you who solved the “Death on the Nile” case but since you pitied Poirot you let him had that one?

He actually DID solve that one by himself, with no hand holding from me. But in the spirit of full disclosure, I might have had something to do with getting things taken care of on the Orient Express. He was pretty much out to lunch on Plambian phruze brandy at the time.

 

12 ) It is believed you faked the moon landing, is this true and if so how was it achieved?

This is probably the easiest question to answer. Yes, I did fake it. It was easy as pie because the truth is, there is no moon. Just a big piece of cheese in low orbit.  Nixon didn’t want to do it, but since most of you know how I feel about Commies, well, I couldn’t pass up the chance to bloody their noses. A camera, some duct tape and some metal was really all we needed. You wouldn’t BELIEVE how much money the Soviets wasted after that trying to get to the “moon”.  One of my finest moments!

 

13 ) What is the most infuriating book you’ve ever read?

Either Pride & Prejudice & Zombies, which I covered in a SaBB post or Walden & Civil Disobedience by Thoreau. Thoreau made me so angry for the entire book with his out of touch thoughts on “Nature” and “The Simple Life”.

 

14 ) What is your absolutely most favorite book (if you have one)?

Besides the Bible, which I’ve read through around 15 times,  Dune and Way-Farer are the two other books that I’ve re-read the most.  Something about those 2 caught my imagination when I was a teen and it just hasn’t let go since.

 

15 ) Why did you burn Rome while playing violin?

This is simply vile slander and calumny.  I was playing the saxophone, for goodness sake!  As for why, well, Billaxus the local grocer wouldn’t stock diet Pepsi but made a side deal with Coke. He also said that only pussies drank diet Pepsi.  Billaxus had to go!  So while things “might” have gotten a little out of control, I think everyone would agree with me that I just didn’t have any other choice. And then to make things even worse, that stinking Nero gets all the credit! What is the world coming to?!?!?

 

16 ) Where is the Rebel Base?

Oh please!  If that wuss Anakin SkycrybabypantsWalker can’t make me tell, you sure don’t stand a chance 😉  Ok, ok, I did say I would answer. It’s on Dagobah. Hahahahahahaa!

 

 

 

bookstooge (Custom)