Sunshine Blogger Award – Part Shnayim

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Well oy vey, look at me being so linguistically cultured! I was recently tagged by Mrs Mugrage to do a Sunshine Blogger Award because of my sunshiney personality and happy-go-lucky reviews that are filled with nothing but rainbows and unicorns.  I did this Award about 2 years ago, but it was Dark and Twisty and Pointy, so I wanted to re-do this to restore everyone’s faith in positive vibes and power of believing in yourself. In fact, just this week at Weight Watchers I saw a poster on their wall that said I could do anything if I just believed in myself. So I told Mrs B that I could eat TWO pizzas, because I REALLY believed in myself. Amazing.

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What kinds of non-fiction are you most likely to read?

Christian Theology and Philosophy. I’m hoping to add some “General Knowledge” books to the pool sometime next year too.

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General Knowledge is pretty much like General Tso’s Chicken, except not as tasty.

 

What is your culture crush? If you are a book blogger, you must have at least one. But please feel free to list more than one.

I had to go look this up on Urban Dictionary and I believe it means what culture do you love.  Being a world traveler, with such exotic places like Massachusetts and even California under my belt, I can state unequivocally, I LOVE AMERICA! Commie pinkos need not apply.

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Bandit Keith is All American, IN AMERICA!

 

What one currently living writer would you most like to have lunch, a beer, or coffee with?  (Pastors count if they have written a good book or two. Bonus points if it’s a pastor you could have a beer with.)

Being a teetoaler, that cuts out beer.  And considering how I feel about authors in general, that cuts out everything else too! So I guess I’d lock them in a room and not let them out until they’ve written the book. Huh, I bet that would make a great story!

authorpeopleAuthors whining: We’re People Too!

The Bookstooge Crew:  No You Aren’t.

 

What genre do you think is not your favorite, but find yourself picking up again and again?

Franchise Fiction. From Star Wars to D&D to Forgotten Realms to Warhammer, I just can’t seem to kick the sub-genre as a whole.

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Sex scenes: poetic, explicit, or none at all?

None.

27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You must not commit adultery.’[a] 28 But I tell you that if a man looks at a woman and wants to sin sexually with her, he has already committed that sin with her in his mind.

Matthew 5: 27-28 (Easy to Read Version)

 

Favorite animal protagonist from a book or series?

Grumpy Cat! Now there’s a Cat who knows how to have a good time.

 

Have you ever stopped identifying with the point-of-view character in a novel, and what caused it?

When a character does something incredibly stupid because the author is stupid and uses it as a plot device instead of how the character SHOULD have reacted based on their previous actions.

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Did you then finish the book, or put it down?

I’m trying to think if I ever DNF’d a book JUST because of a stupid character. I don’t think so but that type of thing would definitely be a contributing factor if I did DNF a book.

 

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Dream vehicle from real life or fiction.

In real life, I’d go for some kind of Lamborghini.

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From a fictional universe, nothing but an Executor Class Super Star Destroyer would be grand enough for Lord Bookstooge. Regular Star Destroyers are for losers, like Admiral Piett. He showed he couldn’t even handle a Super Star Destroyer, the plebe!

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If you currently have a Work in Progress (or are pitching a recently finished one out), give us your one-sentence hook for it.

Lord Bookstooge tells ALL!

From my memoirs that I plan on writing (someday).

 

Post a favorite poem or fragment of poetry. If you don’t read poetry, then song lyrics count.

Bookstooge in Nature

He stepped in elephant poop

“Well, crap” he remarked

Angel Halo Emoji [Download iPhone Emojis]

 

 

I don’t tag people, but feel free to do this if you’d like. Put your personal spin on things of course.

 

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The Deadliest (Book) Catch

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Avast, ye landlubbers, Captain Bookstooge is here to tell ye a tale that’ll shiver ye timbers right into toothpicks!

Back in my youth, I’d sailed the wide seas and rassled with many a critter that’d give an ordinary man nightmares. Things that devoured men, body AND mind.

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And the time came where circumstances forced me to sail those self-same seas again, regardless of the consequences.  Not being a captain who kills his crew, I let mine go. None of them deserved the fate I had in store for myself.

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A good manly crew but not even they were prepared to sail with me into the darkness. I didn’t blame them and paid them fairly for the time with me. They deserved to go on with their lives.

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So I, Captain Bookstooge set forth on a journey that will either raise me to heights I have never experienced in this mortal life or completely destroy me and crush my very soul. I set my sails for the shoals of Arithmetic. I cast forth my harpoon and my first nemesis appeared. It will be a battle waged for months before a victor can be decided.

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I’m A Winner!

Back in June Powder&Page did a giveaway for some winter writing gloves. Considering how much I’m on the computer outside of work and how long Winters are here in New England, I entered. Not only did I enter, but I swept the field in a blaze of glory. I mowed down my opponents like grass before a scythe and I and ONLY I came away victorious.

Translation: I won 😀

I’d like to thank P&P for her kindness in doing such a giveaway (these gloves are like $50 online) and nothing I say about the product reflects on her in any way. If you don’t follow her, you should go check out her blog to see if what she writes interests you.  All the following pictures are clickable for larger versions. I just made them smaller in the post so I could blab more.

 

First off,  I find it highly ironic that I won these in June and when they came at the end of July we were in the middle of several days of 90+ degree temps. That is 35C for all the rest of you. Sadly, it does mean that I’ll have to wait a couple of months to see how their warming ability actually works.

 

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Second, these come straight from China. They don’t get shipped to the Boutique website you order them from and then shipped to you.  If I had to hazard a guess, I’d say Chairman Mao himself helped with my order.  I could smell “communism” on the packaging. With the potential trade war escalating between China and the US it is something to be aware of. It took a month for me to get these and if things heat up politically, you could be looking at a price jump, a lengthier wait time or both. 

 

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When I opened the packaging, it looked like this. I have to admit, I wasn’t sure at first which end was which.  Turns out the longer end goes on your wrist and the smaller end goes over your fingers. It helped that there was a slit for your thumb.

 

 

 

 

 

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Once I put one on, it all made sense. I’ve found that the lower portion of my hand and pinky finger tend to get colder faster in the winter because of leaning it down on the touchpad of my laptop. This glove should take care of that issue. It also leaves my fingers free so I don’t feel like I’m typing with sausage fingers. Nothing worse than sausage fingers, especially if you don’t have any ketchup to dip them in!

 

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Mrs B kindly took a glamour shot.  Besides keeping my hands warm for typing in the winter, I can see these coming in handy for when I have to go brawling and beating the crap out of all the communist miscreants in our Fair Town.

Of course, the real test will come in 2-3 months when the cold weather starts settling in. I’ll try to remember to do an update post later this year when I can actually test them for their intended use. Unless I’ve shredded them on communist punks of course!

 

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#worldbookczar Candidate: Quickbeam the Ent

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Bregalad the Ent, affectionately known to his friends as Quickbeam, because he’s so hasty!

 

B: The Orangutan Librarian would like to know the answer to several questions:

  1. Who is the most enchanting Ent?
  2. How do you get your hair in that style?
  3. How do you fight evil? (and I’ll add in, in regards to having the awesome power of being World Book Czar)

 

Q:  Hmmm, good questions.  Thank you for giving time to formulate the answers. I know how hasty you humans are and how you want everything now, right now, perhaps even yesterday!

  1. I am. I mean, look at my calves. If that isn’t enchanting then I don’t know what is.
  2.  A good vanity mirror helps a lot but the main ingredient is capybara excrement. It soaks right into the roots.
  3.  I will fight Evil at its source. Humanity as a whole is out of control and as World Book Czar I will shepherd them along the path they need to go. I suspect a large amount of culling will go on to help strengthen the herd overall.

 

B: Lashaan would like to know how you are such a great tree?

Q: Oh, here we go. I find this kind of speciesism everywhere I go! I am not a tree! I am an Ent! Comparing the two  is as offensive to us Ents as saying all white people look the same to you. Or was that purple people? I don’t see real well outside of the green/grey spectrum so my sense of color isn’t real defined. And besides, you all have hideously smooth skin. Nothing like us Ents with our gorgeous mottled bark! This kind of misundertanding is why I need to be World Book Czar, to help shepherd humanity along.

 

B: The Little Panda would like to know how you’re going to reconcile being World Book Czar when books are made of trees and your job as an Ent is to protect the trees? I’ll add in, isn’t there an inherent conflict of interest here? How are you going to answer the critics who will claim this cuts you out of the running all together?

Q: Thankyou Panda for bringing this important aspect to the fore.  The thing is, trees need to be culled just like any other herd. If you don’t thin them out, some species will take over and completely over run an area. Then a lightning strike can start a small fire that quickly escalates out of control. Proper management is essential in tree herding.  Trees will grow where they want and as quickly as you let them so in that sense they need to be cut down. Instead of wasting that, turning them into fuel, building material and books is a great way to recycle them.

As for these supposed critics you mention Bookstooge. I say bring them on. I’ll crucify them!

 

B: Ola would also like some more info about dead trees, is there a karmic cycle and will you replace tree books with something else?

Q: Trees are quite stupid. I believe they make sheep look like your Einstein.  They don’t have souls, or much of a mind really either. When a tree dies, that is it. They can be roused but whatever action they take is the responsibility of the Ent doing the rousing.  I alluded to the whole paper book thing earlier but if I were World Book Czar I’d also consider other numerous, renewable resources as possibilities for books.

*creaks dangerously*

 

B: Ichabod asks some rude questions, so I’m just going to open the floor to you in general on how you’ll deal with people like him.

Q: Miiiister Ichabod, I knoooooooow where you live! Those trees around your house, who do you think cares for them? And they tell me things. Very embarrassing things I might add. A good Ent would never resort to blackmail but a pragmatic Ent might have to do things that his Elders would take a bit more time to discuss, in the name of Self-defense of course. Being VERY careful Mister Ichabod…

 

B: Ummm, ok. *thinks how to reword future questions*  You mention a new type of renewable resource for books. As World Book Czar you’d have the clout to get this type of initiative off the ground. I suspect a lot of Environmental Groups would also fully support you in this. Can you tell us any more about this new wonder resource?

Q: I don’t want to spoil my surprise, but I’ve been watching a bunch of your old movies and I think “Charlton Heston” is enough of a clue.

 

B: Wait a second…….. Are you saying Ola was right with her Comment?!?!?!

Q: Don’t be hasty now.  Think about it.

 

B: *pulls out his chainsaw*  GET AWAY FROM ME YOU MONSTER!  You’re going to crucify us and then skin us and turn us into scrolls? That does it, you are OUT!!!!!

Q: And so your true colors are now flying. I see, only a human can be the World Book Czar. You are a narrow minded little sapling and I’d be doing the world a favor by becoming the World Book Czar and culling ALL OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!  *Quickbeam begins roaring and stamping*

 

 

The Rest of the Story:

For obvious reasons this interview was “cut” short. Quickbeam destroyed our office building, stole our information on the other Candidates and then bounded away into the local forest. That Ent could move, I’ll give him that. If you come face to face with Quickbeam, do not attempt to apprehend him. He is dangerous and unless you’re a master with a chainsaw, he will crucify you, skin you and turn you into a book to write his memoirs on.

As much as it pains us, we are striking Quickbeam’s name from the list of Official Candidates. You don’t destroy OUR office and get away with it. Of course, there will be a write-in option so if enough insane people vote, he could still win. Personally, I’m stocking up on batteries for my electric chainsaw, just in case.

 

Next Month on Meet the Candidate:

Wow, after this interview I find myself a bit shaken. I looked over my other candidates and I think I’ve found a nice, safe, easy one for next month. A little Microsoft Excel sub-program known as HAL1000.  If you have any questions for HK, or any thoughts on Quickbeam, please leave a comment.

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HAL1000 won’t be turning ME into a scroll anytime soon!

 

Remember, you can always click on the “Meet the Candidate” tag to see all the candidates as they are revealed or the #worldbookczar one. I hope you enjoyed this. Until next time, Bookstooge Out.

 

 

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June ’19 Roundup & Ramblings

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Raw Data:

15 Books

5099 Pages

Average Rating: 3.30

 

The Bad:

Valor – 1 Star DNF

The Hyena and the Hawk – 2 Star disappointment from one of my favorite authors

 

The Good:

Target Rich Environment – 5 Stars all the way!

The Hobbit – 5 Stars and the good times are rolling!

Our Mutual Friend – 4 1/2 stars kept the party going!

 

Miscellaneous And Personal:

I only did TWO non-review posts this month. One was a Currently Reading (which I liked doing and I might try to do those a bit more often) and the other was the Fall from Grace about Star Wars and Bookstooge. A truly masterful yet tragically poignant post.

However, when I have two 5star reads AND a 4 1/2star read, well, you know it was a good month of reading. I deliberately wrote a review almost every other day and cut out almost all tv watching this month so I could read a couple of extra books. Of course, with Our Mutual Friend my page count went pretty high too. So another statistic that went swimmingly. My average rating was down from last month, but with a lot of middle of the road books you can’t expect anything else. Plus, 1star books totally destroy a month’s rating; they’re worse than the titanic!

Yet I didn’t read one single volume of Shaman King nor did I really want to.  I found that alarming because I started the series so strong and I really want to finish it. so I’ve decided to finish off the series in July. I know I’ll burn myself out on the series and on manga in general, but I’ve been approaching that point anyway so might as well go for the gusto, as one little boy named Calvin would say. This does mean that your feed is going to be packed with manga. I’ll try to post a couple of other type posts throughout July but you are getting your warning here and now. I do expect my numbers to plummet so I’ve prepared my mind for the onslaught of not being so famous for a month. It will be a real trial for me but I guess being humble is something we all need once in a while.

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Cover Love:

As much as I despised the book, Valor had the best looking cover. It is pure awesome sauce from a visual standpoint!

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John Hobo (2020 Movie)

 

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John Hobo: : They Stole His Lunch, Now He’s Stealing Their Lives

 

Synopsis:

John Hobo was a man of the streets. Brought up rough and tough, he was hungry for success. And breakfast. And lunch. And dinner. And elevensies.  And afternoon tea. One day he hit the jackpot.

 

 

 

 

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3 roasted “rat on a stick”,  good as new, only been in the trash bin 30 minutes. But then tragedy struck. They stole his rats, called it “unsanitary”. John Hobo knew The Man had gone after him. So he’s returning the favor, one dead useless civil servant at a time. Detroit will never be the same!

 

My Thoughts:

You know, I’m beginning to think that Hollywood REALLY HAS run out of ideas.

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Almost like there are no brains left and all the zombie who pretend to be alive are just regurgitating the brains they ate last year. Yeah, pretty gross.  That’s how I’d class this movie.  The whole revenge thing is really getting old.

The language? My goodness, I never knew there was a whole hobo sub-culture of profanity. Who knew that “ultra fresh” meant THAT! I was rather shocked. And when the Swiss hobos, who I would have thought would be the most refined and peaceful of the hobos just turned into toilet mouths, well, nothing could shock me after that. Or so I thought.

Everyone in this movie gets shanked. With a shiv. You thought a pencil was bad ass. I almost threw up when John Hobo killed that dude with a banana!

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I found John Hobo to be a very dirty character. And the people he was offing were even worse. I mean, who doesn’t want to off the officious DMV lady who tells you that you “X”‘d the wrong box and makes you go fill out a new form and stand in line all over again? Or that shyster lawyer hired by the city to tell everyone that the city is taking over the whole block and is tearing it down and they have to move, in 2 weeks?

Honestly though, I think my biggest issue was how disconnected John Hobo was. He had no place to call home and it really showed.

Final verdict: Don’t waste your time with this piece of trash.

 

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Psst, Do You Want To Know My Secret Identity?

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Shamelessly stolen from the internet. But I’m “reformed”, honest!

When I wrote the post about bank robbing and llamas, I let slip a bit of history about my criminal background. Since I am now reformed, Maddalena was wondering if I would end up becoming a Super Hero and if so, what kind?

First and foremost, superheroes have to protect their real life. Imagine if everyone knew who Donut Man really was! He’d get kidnapped by Crispy Creme and be forced to sit in a warehouse churning out magical donuts for the rest of his life. Brrrrrrr. But to get back on track. Yes, I AM A SUPERHERO. However, to fool my former villain associates, I’ve had to invert the whole secret identity thing. Everyone already knows mild mannered Clark Bookstooge and his propensity to be attracted to phone booths (one of those lesser known fetishes. For good reason). So I decided that I would HIDE my super hero identity.

So you will never know my Super Hero Identity. It’s a secret!

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Bleeding internet! Look at that, I’m outed already

Well folks, I’m off to prepare myself for an attack by the Meme Factory.  Obviously, this is a job for….

…..Captain Obvious!  😉

 

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