This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress, Blogspot, & Librarything by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission
Title: Rolling Gravestones
Series: ———-
Author: Alfred Hitchcock (Editor)
Rating: 3 of 5 Stars
Genre: Crime Fiction
Pages: 179
Words: 69K
Synopsis: |
From the Inside Cover
ALFIE DOES HIS THING
The only grass that Alfred Hitchcock gets high on is the kind that grows in the cemetery, and the only acid that blows his mind is the sort that can be thrown in someone’s face. Diabolical death is Alfie’s special kick, and he wants you to enjoy it, too. For that purpose, he’s harvested a brand new crop of terror tales, and served them up to you with grisly relish. Here is the master’s personal choice of fifteen spine-chilling spellbinders.
Introduction by Alfred Hitchcock
A PLACE TO VISIT
Stephen Marlowe
CALL ME NICK
Jonathan Craig
DEAD STOP ON THE ROAD SOUTH
Robert Colby
RUSTY ROSE
Edward Hoch
HENRY LOWDEN ALIAS HENRY TAYLOR
Helen Nielsen
THE ENORMOUS $10
Jack Ritchie
FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED
Rog Phillips
THE EXPLOSIVES EXPERT
John Lutz
I HATED THE HIRED MAN
H. A. DeRosso
A SINGULAR QUARRY
Ed Lacy
SLEEP IS FOR THE INNOCENT
Henry Slesar
SORRY, RIGHT NUMBER
Charles Einstein
FREE ADVICE, INC.
Michael Brett
A SWEET YOUNG THING
Mary Linn Roby
THE PRICE OF FAME
Richard Deming
My Thoughts: |
This was just a very weird read. Not in a Twilight Zone, throw you a curveball kind of weird, but a plain old fashioned weird that actually kind of creeped me out. Some stories DID have a twist but enough didn’t that it kept me on my toes. I must say that psychologically speaking, Alfie played me like a bassoon.
Two of these stories stood out to me above the rest.
The first, A Place to Visit, dealt with a Straight Arrow dying, going to hell and partying it up with naked chicks and having the time of his life. The devil tells him that unfortunately, Straight Arrow has been too good and so he’s going to be sent up to Heaven, with all the clouds and harps. It’s also where his wife is planning on going, so Straight Arrow will be with her. Oh the horror! BUT! The devil tells him that the devil can make a deal with him. The devil will revive Straight Arrow for five minutes and all he has to do is kill his wife, so she’ll go to heaven and Straight Arrow will go to hell and back to partying with naked supermodels. Straight Arrow takes the deal and the story ends with rather predictable results. I have to admit that I laughed my head off when Straight Arrow learns the truth and has the floor literally pulled out from under him, plunging him into the burning stygian pits of hell. Despite the rather “questionable” theology, it was a really good story. Now I’ve ruined it for everyone else but come on, who couldn’t see that ending? No deal with the devil ever turns out good.
The second, Sorry, Right Number fit my misanthropic self like a glove. It was about two couples, one older and one younger, that have to share a party line for their telephone. If you don’t know what a party line is, go google it. It will build character. Well, the old lady is always hollering at the younger couple whenever they try to use the phone to the point where they’ve learned to pick up the receiver without making any noise. The younger husband does this one day and over hears the older husband making plans to murder his wife because of reasons. The younger husband shares the info with his wife and they debate what they should do. The younger husband finally decides that they need to call the police. When he picks up the line the old wife is on the telephone and chews him out for “listening” to her conversation. So he hangs up and lets nature takes it course. How great is that?!?!?
While those two were the highlights, none of the others were duds. Alfie chose well with these set of stories and I enjoyed them. The main reason I gave this only 3 stars is that the book as a whole didn’t pop for me and I don’t ever plan on re-reading this. A great filler and something different, but not something grand or great.
On a side note (I was going to say tangential, but there’s nothing tangent about it), there’s a certain blogger who usually asks if that is him on the cover, or me, or some such thing. I’ve decided to take a pre-emptive approach this time. Dix, you are the gravestone and I am the motorcycle. Alfie is of course Alfie. With that out of the way, I can now cogitate the important things, like why Ken is always arraying himself against mortals like Sir Otsy. No fear of me ever running out of things to learn.
Are these on Kindle? Is that how you’re reading them? I remember the paperbacks back in my public school library. The covers were always neat.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am reading these on my kindle but that is only because a fan scanned and proofed them and then released them into the wild. I don’t think an “official” ecopy exists.
LikeLike
Who is Ken?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think that’s his middle name. I believe it’s actually Beyond the Ken of Mortal Knowledge or something pretentious like that. No wonder he goes by Ken.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Is that Hitchcock’s actual bike?
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s actually mine. I let him borrow it for this cover. Biiiiiiiiig mistake…..
LikeLiked by 1 person
Are you unable to balance a two-wheeler?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Didn’t you know, bike trikes are the new hip thing. All the cool old people are driving them….
LikeLike
How old are you?
LikeLiked by 1 person
2001…..
FACt.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Fiction.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It is extensively chronicled by that bastion of scyenze himself, Arthur C Clarke.
facT!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Is he the guy who came round to fix my windows?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m not sure, but that sounds about his level.
You should probably try to get your money back. Probably did a shoddy job.
LikeLiked by 1 person
If he spent less time on interplanetary evolution and more time attempting to putting putty in my frames, we’d be in a better place. fACT!
LikeLiked by 1 person
fACT! indeed.
On that we totally agree….
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great, now there remains the simple business of transferring all your monetary assets to me and we’re done!
LikeLiked by 1 person
How did we go from agreeing to disagree so FAST?!?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well, you already agreed, so no point in having cold feet now! So I’ll just drain your checking account first, and I had your house and property valued, so I’ll just require any money or coins you have on you?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I shall write a strongly worded Letter to the Editor about this, don’t think I won’t!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ok, I’ll rent you a pen and paper, that’ll be $11 you owe me.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I have a piece of yarn. How about we dicker. I’ll trade you a piece of yarn for 100 dollars then I’ll give you 11dollars and we’ll call it even…
LikeLiked by 1 person
What does dicker mean?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dicker means we bargain back and forth and you give me everything I want.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ok, so we dicker and you give me everything you have.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You forgot the yarn. Once you give me everything of yours, I give you the yarn. I am pretty generous after all.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well the yarn would already be my property, since all your possessions are mine. By withholding the yarn, you enter into a rental agreement by which all your future income is mine. So, I own you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You forgot one VERY important part.
FaCt!
So it is all null and void. I win! Everything, hurray!
LikeLiked by 1 person
And it belong to me, as per our agreement.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You forgot to say it, so it doesn’t count.
FACT!
LikeLiked by 1 person
So, if you wouldn’t mind posting it all to me, marked ‘everything’ and pop it in the mail, that would be ideal.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sorry, the US doesn’t mail things to Scotland anymore. I guess some postal carrier was harrassed at one point by some bloke with a blue bottom?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Just stick it in a crate. I’ll send Candyman over for it when he goes out for crisps.
LikeLiked by 1 person
If he’s the bloke with the blue bottom, I’ll crisp him…
LikeLiked by 1 person
HAHA there is no crisping to do, the crate bursts open and who is inside but PSYCHIC GRANDMA herself, and you got played!
fACT!
LikeLiked by 1 person
That Psychic Grandma! She gets me EVERY SINGLE TIME!
FaCT.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Love that first story, made me laugh. 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
It really set the tone for the book and almost made me bump the whole book up half a star. It was just so Hitchcockian….
LikeLiked by 1 person
Nice! I read a couple of these anthologies way back when and enjoyed them. Glad to see that they hold up well. Happy Trails!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Ichy. So far these have all been fun and quite enjoyable.
LikeLiked by 1 person
From your synopsis of those two stories, I can see how “grisly relish” would indeed be the perfect description for A.H.’s gleeful portrayal of these characters… 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Definitely have to be in the right frame of mind for these. But my goodness, so much fun 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Have we worked out why Ken is always arraying himself against mortals like me, Sir Otsy, or you, the Prophet of Bookshevikism?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Did you ever cast covetous glances at Barbie? Maybe he’s jealous of you?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Barbie’s really not my type.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Then I have no idea why Ken is after you.
Waaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiit a second. I bet Ken doesn’t like dark chocolate either and his True Bookshevikist spirit detected your heresy.
Good ol’ Ken, destroying heresy wherever he may find it!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sigh. First you let the Candyman into the Booksheviks without my permission, and now Ken. Oh, we’ll reflood Pluto with blood, my friend…
LikeLiked by 1 person
You know, if we do this “just” right, we might get Alfred Hitchcock to edit a book of short stories about us. So we have to make sure we look our best as we try to kill each other.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, certainly. Do you want to use the comb first, or should I?
LikeLiked by 1 person
All yours. My chrome dome needs polishing so I’ll probably have to hog the razor…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Understood! A shiny head is one of the biggest distractions in a fight. Hitchcock said so himself.
LikeLiked by 1 person
And if these stories in this book are anything to judge by, Hitchcock is the man who would know.
LikeLiked by 1 person
He does. His scalp was as hairless as a baby’s bum.
LikeLiked by 1 person
These sound refreshing, in a horrible sort of way, just my sort of thing.
Are they on Amazon/Kindle?
LikeLiked by 1 person
They are not. A fan did his magic and got them online. I can email you a couple if you want.
And they ARE refreshing in a horrible sort of way 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sure, I’d like that!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ll shoot you what I have this weekend. Do you want azw3 or epub?
LikeLike
.ePub works best for me, thank you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
and done.
LikeLike
These stories sound horribly funny in this Schadenfreude kind of funny when one revels in how stupid decisions of others lead to just deserts 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
It was almost cathartic to read these stories 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I had to chuckle at how easily you assumed your “misanthropic self” in this review. That’s some impressive self-consciousness. 😛
LikeLiked by 1 person
These are just really hitting the good spot for me 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person