The Real Lord of the Toothpaste, Revealed at Last!
Three Spearmint for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven Cinnamints for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine Silly Strawberry for Mortal Men doomed to die,
One Fennel for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Tom’s of Maine where the Toothbrushes lie.
One Toothpaste to rule them all, One Toothpaste to find them,
One Toothpaste to bring them all, and in the Bathroom bind them,
In the Land of Tom’s of Maine where the Toothbrushes lie
A Parody by Bookstooge (or is it?)
*insert X-Files music*
LOL 🙂 I can’t say I’ve ever heard of this brand.
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It is definitely a New England thing…
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No, I have this toothpaste. My periodontist recommended it.
But to the larger question: were you having a hard time sleeping one night and came up with this?
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Nah, I was just in one of my “moods”. This happens once or twice a month to me.
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Not just a NE thing – I use Tom’s products here in the PNW.
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Glad to hear our boy Tom “made good” 😀
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Man… Your imagination sure does go wild here and then. Is there a correlation with your current emotional state and the intensity of your creativity???? 😀 By the way, we don’t have this brand out here… 😮
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There is definitely a causal tie between how I’m feeling and what I’m writing. If I’m feeling really really good is when I tend to write the fluffy, silly, funny, extremely odd stuff. When I am feeling very down is when I tend to write my more serious, introspective, self-indulgent posts.
And when I’m even keeled, I’ll do my reviews 🙂
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Myrrh? Maybe it’s because I always associate it with the fragrance candles I burn, I just can’t imagine toothpaste flavored with it 😛
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I believe the myrr/propolis is an organic alternative to fluoride. If you look closer, you’ll see “Fennel” lower down, that is the flavor.
The organic side has no appeal to me, but the non-sickeningly sweet part definitely appeals to me. I can barely use regular toothepaste anymore because I feel like I’m using sugar, even while I know I’m not.
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Haha haha haha!! I do love it when you’re in a silly mood! 😀
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Sometimes once I post something when I’m in that kind of mood, even I wonder what I was thinking 😀
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Professor Tolkien must be spinning in his grave by now, and I would not be surprised if a Balrog will be summoned to make you repent for such blatant blasphemy… 😀 😀 😀
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Ha, I have the One Toothpaste to bend said balrog to my mighty will. Plus, I am the owner of the Legendary Brushanduril, the Toothbrush Reforged 😉
I can do this all day 😀 😀 😀
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ROTFLMAO! This reminds me of the endless newsgroup posts we exchanged in the Babylon 5 group just using sentences from Kosh 🙂
Where now the brush and the toothpaste,
where is the floss and the mouthwash…
😀 . 😛
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Ohh, good call on the floss and mouthwash…I’d make up names right now if I cared enough 😀
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Any thoughts on the toothbrush to use? I’ve used a sonic brush since they first came out and would never go manual again, plaque is something other people get. You just change the head every three months so not much waste. The only ‘problem’ (not really that bad) is it creates a lot of foam. My wise wife suggested I keep my mouth closed while brushing. Problem solved … she is a genius! ;-))
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I actually use of those electric toothbrushes, not sure if it is a sonic one or not. Seems to work ok for me.
toms of maine isn’t real foamy, so that isn’t so much an issue for me. My wife tells me to shut my mouth for other reasons 😀
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I should go for a more Paleolithic beauty routine. I ‘d use mud from my local riverbank for washing my face, and ashes scrubbed over my teeth and gums with a sprig off my backyard pine tree…see what she’d think…
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Yeah…..good luck with that. Sometimes, getting “back to nature” isn’t the best option 😉
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Lol! I love this toothpaste. They have great deodorant and mouthwash too. 😂😂😂
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I just like it because I don’t feel like I’m getting a mouthful of sugar while brushing 🙂
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True! And fluoride. 😉
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LOL!! Hilarious!! Obviously across the pond we are heathens, because we do not have this toothpaste 😉
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Don’t worry, the Yanks are coming to save you!
😉
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Haha we could use the help! We’re drowning over here! (Oh man I wish I was joking 😂)
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Hahaha loved this🤘🏻
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Thanks. It was so easy since I already had the one ring poem to riff off of 🙂
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Ha, ha! You’re a poet and you don’t even ….. never mind! 😉
This brand is very well known on the west coast of Canada. You’re just missing gold and frankincense! I wonder what baby Jesus would have thought of propolis …. hmmm ….. 🤔
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Well, if the 3 wisemen had brought Him this, at least baby Jesus would have had minty fresh breath 😀 😀 😀
I have to admit, I’m surprised this brand is so well known out on the west coast. I guess it just goes to show how small our world is becoming…
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[…] I started the Lord of the Rings and finished up the Fellowship of the Ring. I had some fun making a parody of that with the Lord of the Toothepaste. […]
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