Lord of the Toothpastes


The Real Lord of the Toothpaste, Revealed at Last!


Three Spearmint for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven Cinnamints for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine Silly Strawberry for Mortal Men doomed to die,
One Fennel for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Tom’s of Maine where the Toothbrushes lie.
One Toothpaste to rule them all, One Toothpaste to find them,
One Toothpaste to bring them all, and in the Bathroom bind them,
In the Land of Tom’s of Maine where the Toothbrushes lie


A Parody by Bookstooge (or is it?)
*insert X-Files music*


bookstooge (Custom)

31 thoughts on “Lord of the Toothpastes

  1. YouKneeK says:

    LOL 🙂 I can’t say I’ve ever heard of this brand.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sharon Barrow Wilfong says:

    No, I have this toothpaste. My periodontist recommended it.

    But to the larger question: were you having a hard time sleeping one night and came up with this?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. HCNewton says:

    Not just a NE thing – I use Tom’s products here in the PNW.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Man… Your imagination sure does go wild here and then. Is there a correlation with your current emotional state and the intensity of your creativity???? 😀 By the way, we don’t have this brand out here… 😮

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bookstooge says:

      There is definitely a causal tie between how I’m feeling and what I’m writing. If I’m feeling really really good is when I tend to write the fluffy, silly, funny, extremely odd stuff. When I am feeling very down is when I tend to write my more serious, introspective, self-indulgent posts.

      And when I’m even keeled, I’ll do my reviews 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Myrrh? Maybe it’s because I always associate it with the fragrance candles I burn, I just can’t imagine toothpaste flavored with it 😛

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bookstooge says:

      I believe the myrr/propolis is an organic alternative to fluoride. If you look closer, you’ll see “Fennel” lower down, that is the flavor.
      The organic side has no appeal to me, but the non-sickeningly sweet part definitely appeals to me. I can barely use regular toothepaste anymore because I feel like I’m using sugar, even while I know I’m not.


  6. bkfrgr says:

    Haha haha haha!! I do love it when you’re in a silly mood! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Professor Tolkien must be spinning in his grave by now, and I would not be surprised if a Balrog will be summoned to make you repent for such blatant blasphemy… 😀 😀 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Manuel Antao says:

    Any thoughts on the toothbrush to use? I’ve used a sonic brush since they first came out and would never go manual again, plaque is something other people get. You just change the head every three months so not much waste. The only ‘problem’ (not really that bad) is it creates a lot of foam. My wise wife suggested I keep my mouth closed while brushing. Problem solved … she is a genius! ;-))

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Mischenko says:

    Lol! I love this toothpaste. They have great deodorant and mouthwash too. 😂😂😂

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Mischenko says:

    True! And fluoride. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  11. LOL!! Hilarious!! Obviously across the pond we are heathens, because we do not have this toothpaste 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  12. savageddt says:

    Hahaha loved this🤘🏻

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Ha, ha! You’re a poet and you don’t even ….. never mind! 😉

    This brand is very well known on the west coast of Canada. You’re just missing gold and frankincense! I wonder what baby Jesus would have thought of propolis …. hmmm ….. 🤔

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bookstooge says:

      Well, if the 3 wisemen had brought Him this, at least baby Jesus would have had minty fresh breath 😀 😀 😀

      I have to admit, I’m surprised this brand is so well known out on the west coast. I guess it just goes to show how small our world is becoming…

      Liked by 1 person

  14. […] I started the Lord of the Rings and finished up the Fellowship of the Ring. I had some fun making a parody of that with the Lord of the Toothepaste. […]


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