PSA: The Etiquette of Commenting on Comments

PSA

 

This particular subject I’ve been thinking about on and off for the last several years, usually whenever I comment on someone’s blog and then somebody else cuts into the conversation and sometimes it would piss me off and at other times it just didn’t bother me. I had never stopped to think about what made the difference.

The other day though it happened again and I sat there for almost 30minutes trying to figure out WHY it was bothering me so much.  I had a very different opinion on the subject from the Blogger and voiced my own and we’d pretty much let it go at that, agree to disagree. Then somebody else chimed in. I asked them who asked them and they replied it was a public site. I retorted with the mature, elegant and sophisticated statement of “butt out” at which point the blog owner stepped in and clarified how he viewed the comments section on his blog. Then it was fine because I became aware that he wasn’t the using the same rules that I was. This forced me to think about what I consider my rules of etiquette for commenting on other comments.

I view a comment on a blog as a conversation in a public place between 2 people, the person who wrote the post and the person making the comment. It is like 2 people sitting at a busy coffee shop talking to each other. Sure, they are in a public place where others can overhear them, but the expectation is that they have the illusion of privacy and their conversation is only meant for them. It is just as jarring to me when someone else interjects themselves into a comment as it would be for a complete stranger at Dunkin Donuts to sit down at the table I am sharing with my brother and tell me how I am wrong to like black coffee. THAT is a good way to end up dead. New Hampshire has a Constitutional Carry law so you better remember that before mouthing off to some stranger.

csc-cedar-city-grind2.jpg

Remember kids, Grandpa might be packing heat!

 

The flip side is, when someone comments positively on somebody else’s comment. Say I’m talking to my brother at Dunkin Donuts and pull out my Sig p938 and am talking about how I wish I knew of an easier way of cleaning it and somebody says “Hey, if you don’t mind me butting in….” and then they tell of a way they know to halve the cleaning time. I can be like “Thanks! Have a seat?” and then they can either sit down and talk guns with us or carry on their way. Either way, they acknowledged the tacit understanding of privacy.

Now if that isn’t complicated enough for you, then you add in the fact that some posts INVITE cross commenting. How do you handle that!? For me, I don’t. I don’t tend to follow people who would invite a crowd over to their house, stuff everyone into a big room, lock the doors and start saying controversial things just to see what everyone does.

g-cruikshank-inconveniences-crowded-drawing-room-1818

My goodness, somebody needs to go to Weight Watchers!

 

Speaking of houses, I guess I tend to view a Blog as somebody’s house.  If Friend X invited me over to their house and they also invited their friend, Friend Y, who I didn’t know, I wouldn’t start telling Friend Y he is wrong to use the yellow coffee cups. I’d leave them alone and let the owner of the house deal with it and if they don’t, then it certainly isn’t up to me to do so.

NOW throw into the mix that everybody has different ideas about this whole subject. I view the comments section and my blog as my house. Wipe your feet, leave the other guests alone if you can’t say anything nice (by the way, disagreement isn’t mean or “not nice” but how you disagree certainly can be) and be chill, even if the host is ranting 😉  I’ve run into people who would say their blog is a farmers market, not a bleeding house and they want tons of people with all their goods interacting and hollering over each other and screaming across the whole thing to that one guy over there. And goods and ideas are exchanged and most people walk away with what they want. Fantastic. But don’t event think about acting like that in my House/Blog.

tiny-house-looks-great

 

Ok, I think I’ve blathered enough. Do you even think about this, or this just me being a  super sensitive snowflake? Whatever your thoughts on the subject, I’d be interested to hear them.

 

bookstooge (Custom)

 

 

PS,

I think this has broken the writing slump I mentioned in my Monthly Roundup. I’m pretty excited about that!

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63 thoughts on “PSA: The Etiquette of Commenting on Comments

  1. salonimore1702 says:

    I’ve never really thought about this because not many people comment on my blog but what you say does make sense. I think it depends on whether you consider your blog to be like, as you said, your home or a farmer’s market. If it’s like a home, then it’s more of a one-on-one conversation in the comments. If it’s a farmer’s market, then it’s exactly how you described it. Personally, I don’t mind if someone else joins the conversation thread as long as what they’re talking about is relevant to what is being discussed. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bookstooge says:

      I think part of why I notice it is because I comment a lot, here on my own blog and on others.

      That is good to know about how you view comments. It makes a huge difference if the people know the ground rules when on somebody else’s site 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve never really thought about it as I don’t see much of that on my blog. Maybe twice in a year or something? Your post is really interesting because I never looked at it that way before. For my blog, as long as people don’t offend each other I’m pretty much hands off and the commenting on comments doesn’t bother me. I can see why it would annoy others though. Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bookstooge says:

      I follow a couple of other people who also moderate all comments on their site and I find I don’t even think about replying to someone else’s comment there. Huh, I hadn’t even thought about that aspect of things 😀

      Like

  3. YouKneeK says:

    Congrats on breaking the writing slump, and with a particularly interesting subject too. 🙂

    I’m in the “it’s a public forum” camp. Maybe this comes down to our different online backgrounds like we’ve discussed before. My first online experience was when I was 10, in 1986, with a site that was the precursor to America Online. Most of my online activity was on that site and/or AOL until I guess the late 90’s. There were chat rooms and discussion groups, and in both places the conversation was pretty much a free-for-all. If somebody had something to say, they butted in. On the rare occasions when somebody asked permission to butt in, I thought it was kind of weird and pretentious. If people wanted to have private conversations, they used one of the private communication methods offered such as IMs, e-mail, or private chat rooms.

    Today, if I post in any place where other people can see my words, I assume and expect that anybody who has anything to say about what I posted, whether positive or negative, whether I’ve ever talked to them before or not, is likely to respond. Sometimes I won’t like what they have to say and, depending on how much it bothers me or how much time I have available, I just have to choose between ignoring them, giving some sort of bland response, or getting into a potentially time-consuming debate. If I want to say something to somebody that I don’t think is anybody else’s business, or if I just don’t want to turn it into a public conversation, I use whatever private messaging option that site offers. But now that I’m looking, maybe this is a difference I’ve never noticed about a blog site. Is it even possible to send somebody a private message here, if they haven’t offered out their e-mail address like what you have on your menu?

    I do agree that a blog is sort of like somebody else’s house, and starting arguments or insulting your fellow guests at that house would be rude. I think that should be avoided if only for the sake of not creating an uncomfortable situation for the host unless you know the host doesn’t mind lively debates. But I also think it would be strange, not to mention exhausting, to have 20 people over to my house and have each of them only interact only with me and not with each other. Also, sometimes in real life people will just butt in with some random, inappropriate or irrelevant comment that just makes people pause in confusion. I see the same sort of thing online too sometimes and figure their comment somehow made sense in their own head and/or maybe they don’t share my social conventions.

    I’m heading out to do the obligatory family visit thing shortly, so I probably won’t be able to answer any comments (or butt in on anybody else’s comments if I wanted to be really provocative!) for the rest of the day.

    Liked by 4 people

    • Bookstooge says:

      hahahahaahah! I loved this comment 😀

      I suspect background does play some part, but I’ve never considered a blog a public forum, as most blogs don’t have the option to have “private” conversations. Add in the fact that a blog is “owned” by the individual, ie, setup, run and everything posted by the creator, as opposed to a forum where anybody can say anything within the guidelines setup by the forum creators (unless you say you wan to kill commies 😉 )

      A lot of blogs will have a “Contact Me” option but depending on how it gets setup determines if it works, or is accessible and sometimes it can be a real hassle. That is why I put my email because it is just easier for people. I think the “contact me” things come in as comments to be moderated? I’ve never really messed around with it so am not well versed in what it can do.

      Have fun with the fam and maybe some firebrand will butt in here and start things roaring! 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      • YouKneeK says:

        LOL, it looks like the firebrands haven’t shown up yet!

        Your point about a blog being something that its creator has ownership of makes a lot of sense. With that perspective, it seems logical that blog owners may want to create their own sets of rules for how people can interact on their blog, just like forum creators on sites like LT and GR do, with visitors having the choice to conform or go elsewhere.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Bookstooge says:

          Yeah, the comments are sparse on this one. Given how I wrote, I guess I’m not really surprised though 🙂

          I keep thinking about going dotcom but then I’ll run across somebody running a dotcom and things don’t quite work right and they have zero interest in fixing whatever Problem X is and then I realize I don’t have to worry about that with a wordpress site. I’ll probably only ever go dotcom when I need the room for more pictures.

          Liked by 1 person

  4. I can honestly say that I’ve never even thought about this BUT I think it’s because I don’t read other people’s comments on other blog posts. I leave my comment if I feel like saying something and then go on my merry way. I have had other people comment on my comment but it’s either been positive OR they didn’t seem to realize they had accidentally responded to me instead of leaving their own comment elsewhere.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Mohmy says:

    Ok so if someone comes uninvited and supports what I’m saying I don’t mind. But I totally hate it when someone takes the responsibility of correcting me on their shoulders!!! I mean just move on. My single comment doesn’t bother anyone. If I commented on lets say your blog, only you should reply to me because I wanted to talk about certain matter with you not with the whole world

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bookstooge says:

      Huh, that was weird. Your comment went into the spam folder for some reason. Man, I hate when akismet goes overboard like that. Good thing I check it.

      And all I can say is “Preach it sister!”

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Mohmy says:

    Let me ask the wordpress support centre

    Liked by 2 people

  7. A very interesting post which I have thought of from time to time. I do see a blog as a home, but a home where you’ve invited a number of people provided they are considerate and polite. Like when you have guests in your home you can’t control whom they talk to. (Well, I guess on a blog you can if you keep it private — invitation only — or you have some sort of disclaimer that if you comment you can only comment directly to the host.)

    Personally, I like an open forum. For example, I know a lovely young woman who will often comment on comments … she’s very opinionated but she’s also respectful and usually tactful and I absolutely love her long comments because I think they add so much to the review and conversation. I can’t imagine her NOT nesting her comments. However, I also have a commenter who frequents my blog who is very sensitive and I try to make sure no one challenges this commenter otherwise they will simply withdraw. I don’t want to lose them either because their comments add so much. So while I like an open forum, I like one that’s policed so to speak; I guess in a way I feel somewhat like a parent on my blog as well as a blogger. That’s probably too much work for you and your head is spinning just reading about it but I do it because I care about the people and think their comments are valuable. That said, I’ve had a couple of new visitors to my blog that have made non-constructive negative comments (ie. I hate this book or that book, without saying why) and I’m pretty direct with my comments back. Again, the parental keeping them in line.

    I’ll have to think about this topic some more though because obviously people view their blogs in different ways. Now I’m thinking about my nested comments …. not that I make many of them, but hmmm …..

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bookstooge says:

      And your comment illustrates why this is such a complicated subject. Nobody views or treats it the same way.

      For me, knowing the people who comment makes a huge difference. And if I’m on somebody else’s blog and someone we both know interjects, it is much easier to accept. I just don’t get why completely random strangers feel it is ok to start objecting to MY comments instead of bringing whatever the issue is up with the blog owner.

      This also doesn’t happen very often. So it is just jarring whenever it does.

      I found your “parent” analogy spot on by the way. Bloggers are a bunch of big babies 😉

      Like

      • And good points from you too. It made me think that whenever I’ve had problems it’s usually from a random visitor who shoots his/her mouth off without stopping to think how others might take it. With my regular commenters, I have no issue.

        This post has made me think of the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson: “Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I’m persecuted whenever I’m contradicted.” However I believe the method of the contradiction is important.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Bookstooge says:

          Once people get to know each other, 3/4 of this stuff disappears. And by get to know each other, I don’t mean read 2 comments from them. It takes time and interaction. It is one of the reasons I keep the number of people I follow as low as I do. I don’t want to read 100 posts by people I don’t know.

          I always get Thoreau and Emerson mixed up. Any good memory games you can recommend so I can remember which is which?

          Like

          • Well, if it makes you feel better, you get them mixed up for good reasons. They were both Transcendentalists, both had brothers that died, were close friends and they lived in the same house twice. I’m not helping, am I? 😉 Okay, Thoreau embraced nature practically and went to live in the woods (Walden) whereas Emerson, a minister who eventually rejected the type of faith he was promoting, was more of a philosophical nature-lover. So I think of “thorn” when I think of Thoreau and remember he was the woodsy one. I also remember that Pa Ingalls loved Emerson’s writing. Both those points help me to remember.

            Liked by 1 person

  8. I don’t often see this either, usually when I see a third person chime in on a conversation in the comments section it’s usually some helpful soul offering an answer to a question or giving more info to the two other participants – never where someone would enter the discussion and start disagreeing with one of the above commenters. I tend to have similar views as you with regards to the busy coffee shop example. Great discussion, I’m going to have to mull over it a bit.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bookstooge says:

      It all comes down to what the blog owner wants. I suspect most of them don’t give it a thought. The only place I leave negative comments on comments is on youtube, where some of those people DESERVE the negative comments 😀 Actually, 90% of the time I just keep my mouth shut.

      Unless the post specifically asks people to comment on the subject and to discuss amongst themselves, I just figure my opinion is for the blogger. Everyone else can go pound sand 🙂

      Like

  9. Manuel Antao says:

    Same rules as any forum for debate, really – be clear, coherent, valid and sound; and don’t engage in any of the non-logical argumentative fallacies like ad hominem, straw man etc. I think posters that persistently misrepresent what other posters say should have the words “is a liar” appended to their user name.

    In my experience of online debating someone will post something like: “Global warming? Sod these eco-nazis who want to take us back to the dark ages.” then other posters will respond at which point the original posters starts crying about the liberals not listening to his/her commons sense.

    Therefore, some tips for the right:

    1> Don’t cry like girls if your “common sense” gets debunked time and time again
    2 /> If you dish it out, expect to take it
    3 /> if you bleat about “PC gone mad” time and time again then the gloves are off – I for one consider it only polite to respond in a non-PC manner, as you would wish.
    4 /> If you’re a football fan with a golliwog mug and a love of Cristiano Ronaldo, well, sucks to be you, expect some piss taking
    5 />Remember, there’s always the newspapers websites where you can post any amount of right wing arsehattery and bigotry and earn the respect and kudos from your peers.

    I think perhaps a good way to look at this post would be “how can we self-moderate our own community by reclaiming its etiquette rules”?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bookstooge says:

      But see, I don’t see a blog as a forum at all. Nor do I want “debating” going on. There are actual forums just overflowing with people for just that type of thing. And what’s more, there ARE blogs dedicated just to that type of thing. I don’t follow those type of blogs nor do I want people with that mindset coming over to mine and getting their mud all over my clean carpets 😀

      Now, I’ve got a real life friend who THRIVES on debate and arguing. Sometimes he’ll take a contrary view just because he can. Now, he’s not a jackass nor is he trying to be an asshat but if I hadn’t known him for 25’ish years that might be my impression. He also is pretty good about curbing those impulses when in a group of people he doesn’t know. He’s self-aware.

      I wish more bloggers were self-aware. For a group that is all about words, a lot of them seem to miss the point that words do have an impact on others. And the whole twitterification of making a statement? It leads to lazy posturing.

      Now, I know where you stand on this kind of thing on your blogs 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Like a good number of previous commenters, this is not an issue I considered before, but now that I think about it, I’m not certain about the comparison with the coffee shop: in my opinion, that’s a public place (like a restaurant) where the seating arrangement requires that the rules of privacy apply even if voices carry. In other words, I might hear a conversation at a nearby table but I would never dream of offering any kind of comment, and likewise I would feel very irritated is someone intervened in my conversation without being invited. On the other hand, and still in my opinion, publishing one’s considerations on a blog is not unlike publishing a newspaper article and therefore inviting debate, so I would not be surprised, or annoyed, if someone commented on on someone else’s comment. Of course on a blog – like everywhere else – everyone should remember their manners and be polite, to keep the conversation civilized.
    My two cents… 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    • Bookstooge says:

      Very glad for your 2cents 🙂

      This is why I wrote this. I wanted to know what other people thought. Simply knowing how someone else views their blog can make a huge difference on perception and that in turn can really change the interactions. If I know that on your blog you expect people to cross comment, then I would comment with a different mindset even if my comments don’t change. I’ll “armor up” as it were 😀

      I didn’t touch on it, but I wonder if personality plays a big part in the expectations. I’m a very introverted person and in real life I do fine one on one but put me in a group and shazam, I’m off in the corner 🙂 Whereas an extrovert is going to be like “the more the merrier!”

      Liked by 1 person

  11. bkfrgr says:

    Hmmm … I’m guilty of reading through a comments thread and then adding a comment to this effect: “Hi, sorry, I was lurking and you guys made me laugh” or some such, and I also like comments from other people in someone’s comments chain if they say something that I was going to say/agree with. And I always feel bad to do both these things because it feels a bit like eavesdropping, so I guess that means I agree with you that I seem the comments as a conversation between two people.
    I am going to really have to think about this. Great post! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bookstooge says:

      Glad it made you think. Sometimes I’m afraid I over think posts like this and get myself tied into a pretzel for no reason. Then I realize that “no”, I am NOT over thinking it, everyone else just isn’t thinking enough 😉 hahahahaa.

      When I’m on somebody else’s site, I always try to err on the side of caution. Until I get to know them, then it’s full steam ahead 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Ola G says:

    I seem to be pretty relaxed on this topic (meaning I haven’t given it much thought because it doesn’t bother me much ;)) I see our blog and blog posts more like a soap box speaking in Central Park: there’s an interested crowd and they have something to say to what I said, and they they are free – even encouraged – to exchange their views with me and each other, provided they keep to the general codes of behaviour 😉 No name-calling, no trolling, no fighting etc., or else I’ll get off my soapbox and start making peace 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bookstooge says:

      “Making peace”.
      Hahahahahaaha, that little aside made me laugh out loud. Man, I love euphemisms.

      I think the type of post you and Pio do definitely want cross talk in the comments.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Ola G says:

        Knew you’d appreciate that one 😀 I had the image of Steven Seagal in my mind 😂 😂
        As you noticed, we do invite a bit of controversy, especially in the ongoing discussions on merits of each book or movie. We also tend to have set roles which naturally follow our inclinations, and I quite enjoy being the bad cop most of the time 😀 😀

        Liked by 1 person

        • Bookstooge says:

          I used to think Seagal was tough. Then I saw him in a later movie where he’d really let himself go to seed and it just wasn’t pretty. Now, that is all I can see 😦

          Speaking of good cop, bad cop, any idea what Pio’s been up to? I haven’t seen/heard hide nor hair of him recently.

          And when is your next post due? I’m getting itchy for some 80’s nostalgia 😀

          Liked by 2 people

          • Ola G says:

            I’m a big not-a-fan of Seagal, that’s why I pictured him among this rowdy crowd of bespectacled, animated bookworms 😉 Even when he calls himself Peacekeeper or some such he looks to me like an animated lump of wood with hostile attitude – a very angry Pinocchio, indeed! 😀

            Life is what happens to all, Piotrek included – but we do plan a nostalgia post this week, hopefully 🙂 Something you like! 😉

            Liked by 1 person

            • Bookstooge says:

              Angry pinocchio, hahahahahahahaahahahaha. It totally fits. How do you think these things up?

              Blasted life, sigh. Thanks, glad to know a post is hopefully coming soon.

              Liked by 1 person

              • Ola G says:

                My mind works in mysterious ways 😉

                The post is coming, but it’s already longer in the making than expected – we wanted to make it for May 4th because ta-DAM it will be about Star Wars! :D:D:D Old trilogy, to be precise 😉

                Liked by 1 person

                • piotrek says:

                  I’ll use this pretext to butt in with my view on the post – and your conversation 😛
                  I agree with both of you that on Re-E comments on comments just don’t seem out of order. As long as everyone is civil, I’d even applaud disagreements 😉 On other blogs… personally I’m ready to happily get involved in any discussion where I know both sides, when I don’t, I’ll probably start my own thread.
                  Re-E is much slower than it used to be, we both have more commitments and I’m a slow writer… I’ve read some interesting things lately, but with work and personal life moving fast… I don’t have enough time to sit, research and write for a few hours. I’m really hoping our SW post will be ready this week, though 🙂

                  Liked by 2 people

                  • Bookstooge says:

                    Oh. My. Goodness. You rude stranger! Out, out, out of this sacred house of peace!!!!!!!
                    😉

                    While I’ve said that a blog isn’t a forum, I won’t go so far as to say it can’t be. I think the intent behind the posts, the type of posts and the personality of the poster and those who follow him/her can change it. For example, I follow John C. Wright, a lay philosopher and author. His posts scream for cross commenting discussion. As such, I usually don’t comment there 🙂

                    Thanks for chiming in and confirming you’re alive and not been kidnapped by bigfoot, or whatever the local equivalent is in your area 😀

                    Liked by 1 person

  13. Sharon Barrow Wilfong says:

    I’m wondering if I should even be commenting, since I invited myself over to your blog. I am not sure why you’re against people commenting on other people’s comments or yours on another blog.

    A blog is a public forum. Are all these people commenting here, people you invited to your blog? Do you only comment on blogs where you have been personally invited?

    How do you increase traffic if it’s on an invitation only forum? Do you know that many people? Or do you not want that many followers? Seems to me you have quite a few followers.
    Was I not supposed to read the other comments? I did.

    Maybe it’s personality types. I love meeting strangers both in the “virtual” and the “real” world. People are so interesting.

    Also, as a Christian, I think an important part of our walk is reaching out to others.

    This reminds me of a time when I was riding a bus with a friend and she talked in a very loud voice. After a while, the bus driver joined in on our conversation. She shot him a dirty look, to say “Who are you to join our conversation? You’re not a part of our group!”

    I, on the other hand, welcomed him to our group. What he said was interesting.

    But….While I think your opinion is contrary to internet culture, the blog owner has complete control over who can post or not. I always moderate my comments and yes, I have not published some comments I considered inflammatory and I have even blocked a few people.

    Like

    • Bookstooge says:

      Keeping it simple.

      A blog is NOT a public forum. Mobileread.com/forums is a forum.

      I suspect our differences stem from that basic point. You think a blog is a forum and act accordingly and I don’t and so act a very different way.

      But this is the exact reason I write these posts. One, I get another perspective from people and two, other people get a different perspective from me and learn a little bit about me as a person.

      I’m not out to change anyone’s mind or to even prove that I’m “right”. I stated the reasons WHY I think and act the way I do. What I’d like to see in the comments is the WHY other people do it differently. I already know that people do it differently; I want to know WHY 😀

      I think the fact that most people feel comfortable commenting here (I have a very high comment to follower ratio thankfully) is a testament to the way I run things here.

      I don’t moderate comments because if people WANT to talk to each other here I want them to feel comfortable doing so, as long as they realize they are a guest here and don’t make the other person feel uncomfortable.

      Thankfully, the only time I’ve had to moderate comments or block people is when some indie author goes out of control. And since that doesn’t happen often, I’m ok with keeping things pretty open here.

      Like

  14. Norrie says:

    I never actually thought about this… on my blog it’s rare that commenters start talking to each other, but upon reflection i think i kinda viewed the blog as a space for group discussion.
    Like, i write a post, and someone wants to talk to me about it, but also possible that two commenters just want to talk to each other cuz we are all in there 🙂 Like, ya know, we all went to Dunkin’ Donuts together to begin with 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bookstooge says:

      😀
      Even if you never think about this topic again, at least you’ll have considered it for 5 minutes. It’s been stuck in my head for quite some time and I’m hoping this post allows it to go free so it doesn’t keep banging around inside my skull 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  15. ratmom says:

    I never even considered this, isn’t that weird. Most times when I make a blog post and I reply to a comment, it’s just me and the person leaving a comment. But there are times that others will comment on a comment before I get there and it’s never bothered me and I’ve never noticed it bothered anyone else. A lot of the commenters who comment on blogs know each other from commenting on each others blogs so it seems natural that we would all comment on each others comments.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bookstooge says:

      And I think you touch on a very important aspect there. Knowing the other commenters already. In the analogy of my and brother in the coffeeshop, if a mutual friend came up, we’d be completely happy if they butted in and started talking shop with us.

      I don’t think it is weird that you haven’t thought of this. My brain thinks of weird things and my various posts over the years at various booksites reflect that 😀

      Like

  16. My blogs aren’t massively busy with comments, but sometimes people will start chatting amongst themselves and I don’t mind so long as they aren’t bickering! The only time it was weird was when a blog tour author was obviously watching all the tour pages and swiftly stepping in to answer comments themselves. Again I didn’t mind, but going in through the admin interface I could see a half a dozen comments replied to and I was sure I hadn’t done so. Easily confused here!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bookstooge says:

      Oh man, blog tour authors. I’ve never dealt with blog tours because I can’t stand being told to schedule posts for Date X, Y and Z. However, back when I was on Booklikes, somebody I was following reviewed a book by the author and when people started talking to her about the book AND her review, the author jumped in and started thanking everyone for their comments like it was his blog. It was a very weird experience 😀

      I certainly don’t mind if people cross chat here, as long as they don’t make each other uncomfortable. Honestly, my best case scenario is that Person A ends up following Person B’s blog and they start chatting over there. 🙂

      Like

  17. Fantastic post. You’re probably one of the only person I’ve often heard talking about this subject in the past and I’ve always found it funny when you compared your blog/comment section to your private property, but I definitely believe it’s a nice and clean way to manage it all.

    I like to see my posts as a presentation at a conference where you just don’t know who’s the crowd or how many they are. Thus, when someone makes a comment, I see another person’s intervention on that comment as a debate or an opportunity to answer a question before someone else does, in a respectful way.

    This way of seeing it just makes it so that everyone is responsible for the comment they make and should always be respectful, honest and kind in the way they intervene. Just like at a conference, anyone who doesn’t act in such a manner will clearly be seen as a jerk and as the conference leader, I get to decide what I do with that person (block, delete, etc.).

    Otherwise, I usually get nice cross-conversations and I’m always super happy seeing it happen since it makes realize how cool this community usually is. The few times where there was a troll among those people, I do feel sad that I had to witness such a thing, but will just have to do my duties as the owner of the blog and deal with them appropriately. *reloads shotgun*

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Yeah I kind of view it as a conversation in a public space between people (though I will “butt in” if it’s my comment section- but usually only to the original comment)

    I think that’s a great pint about butting in positively. recently I was out and two strangers were chatting beside me. One said to the other that he’d been in a famous movie- the guy replied he hadn’t seen said movie and the original guy seemed bummed out his party piece hadn’t worked- so I just said “I couldn’t help but overhear you were in that movie, that’s very cool”. Guy seemed chuffed and we went on our separate ways. Bit of a longwinded way of saying your analogy totally works.

    I do view blogs as houses as well and I definitely can relate to being irritated by some house guests. But personally I also simultaneously treat my blog like a public space, just cos I have a strict free speech policy (so I won’t kick people out, but there’s a chance I’ll ignore them 😉 although I’m so bad at replying to comments right now anyway 😉 ) Anyway, don’t know if that all made sense- it doesn’t always make sense to me 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bookstooge says:

      Working backwards.

      I’ve given up trying to have set in concrete rules. Basically, unless they’re spouting social justice warrior crap or some sort of ethnic superiority malarky, I let things go. Only had that happen once and once I asked the person to stop they kindly stopped following me, so it turned out ok.

      I like what you did for that guy. Some times as much I talk about guys being big bags of ego, we’re just little lost boys needing that word of encouragement. So good for you!

      And that’s it from me 🙂 I hope life settles down for you soon.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I think that makes a lot of sense. I really only have a free speech rule and nothing else- so I was afraid of it becoming the wild West, but I’ve been very lucky overall, cos that hasn’t happened 🙂

        That’s kind of you to say, I wasn’t sure before I did it to be honest, but it worked out, so I figured where’s the harm

        Thank you! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  19. […] Non-review writing, I feel like I wrote up a storm, even while the reality is that I just changed from doing scheduled things to whatever crossed my mind. I did a Currently Reading post to show you all the list of what I rotate through,  revealed My Secret Identity,  talked about Chainsaws & Guns (from a real perspective, not a psycho mass murdering perspective), posted how Mrs B saved me from a Life of Crime, did a Book Catch and then had a good talk/discussion PSA post about Commenting on Other’s Comments. […]

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  20. savageddt says:

    Seriously, what happened in april that I missed all these posts??? Sorry mate

    Liked by 1 person

  21. […] minimum asked by anyone that wants to share something online. Check out Bookstooge’s post on The Etiquette of Commenting for his point of view on this […]

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  22. Fascinating! You do tend to make comments that seek a reply Bookstooge haahha so I can see why this is a problem for you. (I read your comments all the time on Lashaan’s blog). It’s happened a couple of times on my own blog and I admit to feeling mildly annoyed. But perhaps that’s because I’m an introvert much like in the link you provided!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bookstooge says:

      Yep, I love the other introvert meme. The one that says “Introverts Unite! But not in a group” or something to that affect 🙂

      My issue is that I’m such a one on one person in real life that it carries right over to the internet. I have deliberate tunnel vision when commenting on others blogs that sometimes I do forget that other people are actually different from me 🙂 What a shocker, hahahahaaa.

      Thanks for dropping by too 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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